Purely by Accident – Chapter 28
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I sighed to myself. It seemed that it was now impossible for me to escape the charge of being a cut-sleeve.
I so rarely saw the princess like this. She was leaning against one of the stone lions that flanked the entrance to the examination hall, her head cocked and a disdainful expression on her face. In one of her hands was a fan, which she was spinning round and round. Just like that, she was the very picture of a dashing young rake. Perhaps because she’d seen me looking at her, she raised an eyebrow deliberately; her gaze was heavy with suggestion. It gave her the air of a hedonistic young nobleman who treated the whole world as his private pleasure ground.
I couldn’t stop staring at her.
‘D-don’t you slander him with your loose talk,’ Lin Haiyuan said next to me, his voice trembling. He tugged at my sleeve. ‘Song di,[1] you can tell from just one look that this man is a scoundrel. Come, let us leave!’
Ah. In just a few moments, your dashing bandit chief had gone from ‘Zisong’ to ‘Song di’. I tried to shake off the goosebumps that had broken out all over my body, and turned to chastise Lin Haiyuan for his over-familiarity. But at the look on his face — indignation mixed with a little sorrow — I softened slightly, and swallowed back the words that were about to leave my lips.
The princess smacked her fan loudly against her palm. Then she uncurled her lip, and stood up straight.
With an almighty heave, Lin Haiyuan dragged me behind him, though the effect was somewhat marred by his shaking hands. ‘What do you want?’ he demanded in an unsteady voice. ‘We’re standing here in broad daylight, in the middle of His Majesty’s own city. Do you really think you can do as you please, you debauched libertine?’
‘Debauched libertine’ — a good epithet! Leave it to Lin Haiyuan to come up with such an apt description for the way the princess was conducting herself. Although… Amitabha, Little Tiger, I told him silently, you’ve angered the princess, so you’ll have to fend for yourself now. Good luck!
Just as I expected, the princess’ expression turned positively arctic at those words; even her voice was ice-cold. ‘What do I want? What do you think I want?’ She took a step forward and crooked a finger at me. ‘Wei Zisong,’ she said, and there was something dangerous in her eyes.
Oh, she truly was vexed now. I stepped forward, intending to soothe her ruffled feathers, but Lin Haiyuan hauled me forcefully back by my sleeve, and I stumbled.
Well, the boy had certainly become much bolder in the years since we’d last seen each other. I tugged my sleeve back towards myself as hard as I could, trying to free it from his grasp. ‘Xiao Lin Zi, let go of me,’ I urged earnestly, lowering my voice. ‘That young gentleman isn’t someone you can afford to cross!’
But Lin Haiyuan was still clutching at my sleeve for dear life. He even squared his shoulders as he told me, ‘Song di, don’t be afraid. I’m here.’ Then he turned back to the princess and called out, ‘The laws of the land and the justice of Heaven hold sway here. Don’t think you can get away with forcing yourself on an innocent man in this way, no matter your wealth or position!’
Powerless to prevent any of this, all I could do was close my eyes in silent mourning.
Instead of flying into a rage as I’d half-expected, the princess smiled instead, and even clapped her hands. ‘Well said. The laws of the land and the justice of Heaven do indeed hold sway here. But’ — and here she spun the fan in her hand once more, her smile becoming even more brilliant — ‘who said I was trying to force myself on him?’
Lin Haiyuan gaped at her.
The princess took another step forward; there was a devil-may-care air about her. The next words she spoke were the very embodiment of overweening pride. ‘With these looks of mine,’ she said, gesturing at herself from head to toe with her fan, ‘do you really think I can’t have any man I want?’
Oh, how did she manage to make her hubris seem so matter-of-fact, her arrogance seem so completely dazzling?
Lin Haiyuan had been stunned into complete silence. His grip on my sleeve began to slacken.
The princess looked over at me, her expression tender. ‘Zisong, come here,’ she said in bewitching tones.
Even mountains of blades and seas of fire[2] could not have kept me from the princess’ side. Joyfully I scurried up to her and took her hand.
The princess smiled and patted me on the head, then looked back at Lin Haiyuan again. I had no doubt that the gaze she turned on him was full of challenge.
Lin Haiyuan looked like a man in the death throes of a fruitless struggle. ‘Song di, you… I know I let you down all those years ago. But I’ve never stopped thinking of you since, and things haven’t been any better for me. Even if you want to punish me, there’s no need for you to take up with someone like him. He might be rich, but he’ll never be true to you.’
Ah. So he thought of me someone who had abandoned himself to a life of dissipation after being crossed in love in his youth.
The princess’ hand stiffened in mine. I gave it a reassuring squeeze, then turned to address Lin Haiyuan. ‘If you want to talk about what happened all those years ago, then let’s talk about that. I did sincerely admire you, even though I was young then. But whatever deeper fondness might have been beginning to grow in my heart was completely burned out by what your mother did. I can still recall perfectly what she said to me. She said, “Young Master Wei, you’re rich, you’re of noble birth. If you want to play the fashionable game of cut-sleeves, I’m sure many others would be willing to join you. Why must you persist in dragging my son into it?” And now I am a cut-sleeve, as it turns out, but you had nothing to do with it. I’ve found someone of the same mind as me, who understands me, knows me, cares for me.’ And here I raised the hand that was entwined with the princess’, and went on, ‘There really is no question of coercion, nor is he holding his wealth or position over me. Though it’s true that his family does have quite a bit of money.’ I smiled, tossing my head a little. ‘You see, your mother was right after all. The game of cut-sleeves is much more fun with a playmate who’s both rich and noble.’
Oh, I was vindictive indeed. The words Lin Haiyuan’s mother had spoken had been lodged in my memory all these years, and now that I’d got them off my chest, I felt as if I’d finally managed to spit out the piece of water-boiled beef that had stuck itself in my throat that fateful evening. What liberation, what bliss!
Lin Haiyuan had gone completely pale. His lips twitched a couple of times, and he half-raised a hand towards me. In the end, however, he said nothing, only turned and walked away, staggering slightly. Perhaps it was because my eyes were dazzled by the light, but as I watched him leave, his figure outlined against the sun, he seemed to be stooping a little, like an old man.
I recalled the youth who’d smiled at me so warmly all those years ago, and was momentarily overcome with emotion. I let out a sigh, and almost instantly the princess pulled at my hand. ‘What’s the matter? Sad to see your old lover leave with his heart broken?’
Her words held such a strong whiff of jealousy that I couldn’t help laughing. I reached out to take her other hand in mine as I did. ‘What do you mean, old lover? Mm, princess, just now when you said “with these looks of mine”, it was as if you were standing on some lofty peak, looking down disdainfully at any man who might fancy himself a match for you. You were so handsome.’
With a ‘hmph’, the princess pulled one of her hands free and pinched my cheek with it. ‘What I actually wanted to say to your old lover was, so what if I am forcing myself on him? What are you going to do about it?’
There was more than a touch of imperiousness in her voice. She was pouting ever so slightly, and her lips shone most temptingly in the sun. With that androgynously lovely face, she was beauty itself personified.
Discreetly I swallowed, then brought her hand up to my face and began dabbing at the sweat on my forehead with the back of it. ‘It’s nearly autumn, I wonder why it’s still so hot?’
‘You shameless flirt!’ the princess exclaimed. But still she turned her hand over and wiped my forehead carefully with her palm.
My heart overflowed with delight. I grinned broadly at her and chuckled.
The princess looked a little self-conscious. ‘What are you grinning about?’ she demanded, jerking her hand away.
I hastened to retrieve it. ‘I’m happy, that’s all. Yes, I’m happy.’
‘You ridiculous girl,’ said the princess. She flung me a sideways glare, but she was smiling as she did. ‘How did you do in the examination?’ she asked, changing the subject. ‘Were the questions easy?’
Eh? What had the questions been about again?
I racked my brains again and again, but all I could remember was that I’d copied out three essays. As to what exactly I’d copied, and what exactly the questions had been about, there my memory failed me completely. All I could do was force out a chuckle, and admit frankly to the princess, ‘They must have been quite easy — so easy, in fact, that I’ve forgotten what they were about.’
The princess eyed me doubtfully, her expression sobering.
I reflected that, if I admitted to cheating now, it would cause considerable damage to my reputation as a wise and powerful bandit chief, especially since my accomplice had been the ‘old lover’ who had spoken so impertinently to the princess just now. Wisely, I resolved to keep my mouth shut.
Fortunately, the princess didn’t seem overly determined to get to the bottom of the matter. Wrapping my hand closely around hers, I asked, changing the subject once more, ‘Princess, princess, what are you doing here at the examination hall?’
Truth be told, I knew perfectly well that the princess must come here to see how I, the diligent candidate, was faring, but I still wanted to coax a few sweet words from her lips. Such fits of combined frivolousness and shamelessness are, alas, all too common to those of us who are in love.
Being a profoundly unromantic woman, however, the princess refused to play along with my little game, so much so that she even put on a stern expression. ‘Why shouldn’t I come here? If I hadn’t come, how would I have seen you and your old lover clinging yearningly to each other like two halves of a lotus root still linked together by their fibres?’[3]
Ah. As the saying went, I had set out to steal a chicken, only to lose both it and the handful of rice I’d tried to lure it with into the bargain.[4] Abashed, I flicked open my fan and waved it a few times, generating a cool breeze. ‘What lotus root? What yearning? What clinging? There was nothing of the sort.’
‘Oh?’ The princess pinched my open fan lightly between two fingers, and the breeze stopped. ‘Then tell me, what was all that business with “I know how you feel about me, you know how I feel about you”?’
Her hearing was far too good; this was extremely troublesome.
I chuckled awkwardly. ‘That was all so long ago. Now I truly no longer feel the way Xiao Lin Zi seems to think I do.’
The princess cut me off again. ‘”Xiao Lin Zi”? What a very intimate term of address!’
What could I say to that? I leaned forward and gazed earnestly into the princess’ face; she glared at me. I tugged at the princess’ hand; she glared at me once more. I put my arm around the princess’ waist; she glared at me yet again.
She was too adorable. Unable to help myself, I finally burst out laughing.
The princess couldn’t keep up her stern demeanour for much longer either. A smile bloomed on her face, but her fingers were still determined to exact their pound of flesh. She reached down and gave me a vicious pinch on the waist.
‘Ow!” I cried, grimacing. I took her hand in mine and rubbed it back and forth on the sore spot she’d just inflicted. ‘I was a child when it all happened, it doesn’t mean anything now,’ I grumbled with increased vigour. ‘The examination must have addled Xiao Lin Zi’s wits—’
The princess’ hand paused threateningly at my waist, and hurriedly I corrected myself. ‘Ah, no, I meant Lin Haiyuan, that rascal Lin Haiyuan.’
Satisfied, the princess allowed her hand to resume its motion. Her touch was light and gentle and I luxuriated in the sensation.
The princess quirked an eyebrow. ‘I didn’t realise, Wei Zisong, that you already had a knack for attracting suitors at such a young age,’ she teased. ‘They seem to flock to you like bees to a flower.’[5]
No, I thought to myself. Actually I had been the lovelorn bee, buzzing ardently around a scholarly blossom. However, not only had my affections gone unappreciated by the flower himself, but his mother had decided to take on the role of the merciless east wind, blowing my romantic dreams into smithereens. Oh, what a tragic tale of first love mine was! But of course, there was no way I could reveal any of these details to the princess, so I gave another awkward chuckle. ‘They say every maiden’s youthful fancy is as lovely as a poem — it’s just that mine became a tragedy, and left me waiting for you. Princess, princess, I promise not to attract any more bees, nor butterflies either. All I want is to spend my days hand in hand with you.’
The princess had closed her eyes, the better to listen. When she opened them again, some emotion I could not quite discern glimmered in their depths: one moment it seemed like remonstrance, the next delight. She pinched me lightly again on the waist with the hand that lingered there. ‘Such a silver tongue. All you do is say sweet words like these.’
Having a silver tongue was a talent in itself. The look on the princess’ face — half pretty vexation, half maidenly bashfulness — made me feel as if thousands of feathers were brushing across my heart all at once, filling me with a yearning, unbearable itch.
I reached out and began tracing a finger along the princess’ lips, and it was then that I overheard a couple of bystanders remarking on us, completely without compunction.
‘Look, over there! Cut-sleeves, live ones!’
‘Mm, and they’re both so handsome too! What is this world coming to, with all the good men going off to be cut-sleeves? What is a woman like me — good-looking, but with no prospects of marriage — supposed to do?’
I was left momentarily speechless. Somewhat sheepishly, I let go of the princess.
But the princess only tightened her grip on my waist. She even stood up on tiptoe and pressed a kiss on my forehead. Then she took my hand in hers again, turned to the two women who had spoken, and flung them a defiant smile.
A breeze wafted gently across my face, bringing with it a fresh, pleasant scent. As the two women looked ostentatiously everywhere except at us, trying to avoid drawing any further attention from the princess, your lovestruck bandit chief felt as if she had become luxuriously, magnificently drunk.
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Footnotes:
- In Chinese, 弟, literally ‘younger brother’. In addition to being a familial term, it is also used as a familiar or affectionate term of address for a younger non-blood-related man of the same generation. [return to text]
- In Chinese, 刀山火海, literally ‘knife mountain and fire sea’. The chengyu describes an extremely dangerous place. [return to text]
- In Chinese, 藕断丝连. Lotus roots are fibrous, so pieces of the same root tend to cling together by these strands even after they’ve been cut. The chengyu uses this as a metaphor to describe two people (usually lovers) who have physically and/or formally separated, but still long for each other. [return to text]
- In Chinese, 偷鸡不成蚀把米. The saying describes someone who tries to gain an advantage only to end up worse off. [return to text]
- In Chinese, 招蜂引蝶, literally ‘beckon bees and draw butterflies’. The chengyu describes a person who attracts (usually sexual and/or romantic) attention from others. [return to text]
douqi 随笔 