Purely by Accident – Chapter 30
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My success in the imperial examination had now been formally acknowledged, which made me a candidate for the civil service. However, the emperor had yet to award me an official post. Having neither rank nor title, I was still a free agent for the time being, and my days remained fairly leisurely.
Now that the emperor himself had promised me the princess’ hand in marriage that day in the imperial garden, it seemed our wedding was going to happen after all. At the thought of this, I hurried to my desk and began writing a letter to Xu Xiqi and Yi Chen back at my stronghold. In it, I entreated them to make their way to the capital with all possible speed, adding that my wedding was one of the most important events of my life, and it wouldn’t do not to have my two oldest and most disreputable friends present.
Of course, all this was so much flattery designed to curry their favour; my true motive for writing to them lay elsewhere. The truth was, given that my departure from my home had been purely unplanned (at least on my part), and a hasty affair at that, I had brought very little in the way of money or other valuables with me. While it would be nakedly obvious to everyone that I was marrying well above my station, I was still anxious to make sure that the betrothal gifts I was to send to the palace didn’t look too miserly, lest they draw further derision. I thought the matter over with my characteristic calculating small-mindedness, and concluded that whatever else happened, the pomp and splendour of our wedding would have to be at least a match for the Third Princess’.
As for why I should have fixed on the Third Princess’ wedding as a point of comparison, I was too preoccupied with writing my letter to Xu Ziqi and Yi Chen think too deeply on it. I was just wondering whether to tell them the location of the hiding place where I kept my most treasured antiques and objets d’art, when Zheng Hao came in with a gaudy red card in his hand.
It was an invitation. I took it from him, opened it, and read:
Yang Enming cordially requests the presence of Young Masters Lin Haiyuan and Wei Zisong at Yixian Tavern on the ninth day of this month at the bi-hour of the snake,[1] to take in the beauty of the autumn scenery and enjoy some fine wine and merry conversation.
Oh, our new zhuangyuan was both unlucky and obtuse. As my gaze swept over the words ‘Lin Haiyuan’, I felt that I had been put into a quandary.
As the three of us had passed the imperial examination in the same year, we were bound to find ourselves serving together at court in future. I couldn’t really justify turning down an invitation to such a gathering — a perfectly common event among the literati — without a proper reason. But if I went, I would find myself face to face with Xiao Lin Zi again. Given our history, things between us had already been awkward, and they had only become even more strained after the events that had taken place in the imperial garden the other day. In the past, Xu Ziqi had often told me how the young women with whom he’d shared a night of passion had all invariably become his close friends and confidants after the end of their affair. The memory of the old affection, he’d explained, made the transition from lover to friend an easy one. Back then, I’d been completely inexperienced in matters of the heart, so I’d naively taken him at his word. But now, with the counter-example of Xiao Lin Zi before me, I realised that Xu Ziqi must be a veritable expert in the ways of love, and all the women who’d shared his bed must have been marvellously broad-minded indeed.
I was still fretting over the unlikeliness of my ever attaining the same level of expertise as Xu Ziqi when I reached Yixian Tavern. I looked up and checked the position of the sun in the sky. It seemed I had arrived before the appointed time, so I decided to wait at the entrance to the building for a while.
The name of the tavern was written in large characters on the sign that hung over the entrance. The style of calligraphy was free and unrestrained, with an almost transcendental flair. The tavern itself was surrounded by low, fairly squat buildings, which made it seem even taller and straighter by contrast. ‘Yixian’ meant a deity who led a free and untrammelled existence, and this establishment certainly lived up to the name.
Just as I was looking admiringly up at the building, I lost my balance slightly — having tilted my head too far back in the process — and stumbled a few steps backwards. A pair of hands caught hold of me around the waist, and a warm, low voice said above my head, ‘Zisong, be careful.’
It was Xiao Lin Zi. Stiffly, I managed to turn my head enough to give him a forced smile. Some unnameable emotion flashed through his ocean-dark eyes, and he let go of me.
‘You’re here, Xiao Lin Zi,’ I said, turning to face him. ‘Lovely weather today, isn’t it?’ I chuckled awkwardly.
He stared at me fixedly for a few moments, his face completely devoid of expression. Then his brows contracted into a frown, and a bitter smile formed on his lips. ‘So you’re at least still willing to call me Xiao Lin Zi,’ he said. ‘But as for the rest… Zisong, do you really hate me so much, that you would shun even the slightest contact with me?’
Oh, where should I start? It was true that the ghost of that unswallowed piece of water-boiled beef had been stuck in my throat until very recently, so that it had become something of a fixation. However, I’d buried all that in the past where it belonged when I made a clean breast of everything to Lin Haiyuan that day in front of the examination hall. While I still felt rather ill at ease around him, that was because of the unaccountable declaration of love he’d made just after the examination and his would-be heroic attempt at self-sacrifice that other day in the imperial garden, all of which had made me feel rather apologetic towards him. Never had I felt anything as violent as hatred for him. How had he gotten the idea into his head anyway? It wasn’t as if I had barged into his family home and made a scene — much less followed that time-worn formula of ‘first you weep, then you scream, and after that you swallow a handful of pills’[2] — nor had I held any sit-ins, launched any protests, or engaged in any acts of self-immolation. This former classmate of mine, this playmate of my youth, must think me truly petty and small-minded indeed — and must have done so for many years now.
That pained realisation probably showed in my expression. The small sad smile that had been hovering about Lin Haiyuan’s lips now threatened to take over his whole face. ‘I should have expected this,’ he said. ‘As the saying goes, there are mistakes one can never hope to mend in a single lifetime.[3] I didn’t understand that before, so I’ve kept the memory of you in my heart all this while, hoping that if I ever saw you again, I’d be able to make up for the awful way in which we were forced to part. When I ran into you that day at the examination hall, I was the happiest I’d ever been in my life. But then, Zisong, you and that debauched— I mean, you and that young gentleman…’
He trailed off, his voice choking a little, and seemed unable to carry on speaking. I wasn’t feeling much better myself. I could still recall how I’d been shunned by my classmates — some out of scorn, others out of fear — back at the academy because of what my overprotective father had done. At the time, I’d been filled with youthful pride, so even though I secretly envied my classmates whenever I saw them playing and laughing in their little groups of two or three, I never allowed any of it to show on my face. Instead, I went about my business alone, hiding my loneliness behind a cool sneer. Xiao Lin Zi was the only one who had been kind to me, always smiling that warm, gentle smile which revealed just the tip of his canine tooth. Zisong, that’s how you hold a writing-brush, he used to say. Zisong, remember to memorise that passage from this book. Zisong, wake up, the teacher is coming this way. Zisong…
Zisong, Zisong. When I closed my eyes and thought about it, I could still hear his voice echoing in my ears, over and over.
Perhaps it was precisely because he’d always been so good to me, so kind, so considerate, that I’d held his complete silence in the face of his mother’s outburst that evening at my father’s manor against him for all these years. And more than that, I’d even tried to hurt him with my barbed words that day in front of the examination hall. Now that I thought carefully about it, I realised it had been wrong of me to punish him for what his mother had done. Even if she hadn’t decided to kick up a fuss, once my father discovered my tendency towards cut-sleevism, he would have willingly taken up the role of the villain tearing the young lovebirds asunder[4] himself. At the end of the day, we’d both been too young, and any growing tendrils of affection between us too fragile and insubstantial; it was bound to end poorly. What I hadn’t expected was that Xiao Lin Zi would carry those rather nebulous affections in his heart for all these years, much less transmute them into emotions that were, for him, clearly deep and profound.
I looked into his dejected face and sighed inwardly. ‘Don’t be like that, Xiao Lin Zi,’ I said, waving the fan I held in my hand. ‘That was all in the past — let it stay there. Dwelling on these old memories will only make you miserable, and to what end? As for my “hating” you, as you’ve put it, that’s complete nonsense. In future, we’ll be serving at court together as officials. If you don’t object, we can go back to being close friends again, the way we were before. What do you say?’
Lin Haiyuan’s face brightened a little. I gave another inward sigh: it seemed your sagacious bandit chief was not that far off from evolving into an expert in the ways of love after all, if my words could have such an effect.
Lin Haiyuan looked up at the sun for a while. Then he asked, ‘The other day, when the emperor said that the princess had singled you as her choice of consort, how did you feel about that?’
Valiantly I repressed the smile that was rising to my lips unbidden. ‘How else should I feel about it?’ I asked, running a hand across my temples. ‘If I’m fortunate enough to have gained both the princess’ eye and the emperor’s favour, there’s no reason I should turn it down, is there?’
Lin Haiyuan scrutinised my expression closely. He lips quivered a few times before he finally replied, ‘That may be no bad thing, I suppose.’
I wasn’t quite sure what he meant by that. Did he think that the path of the cut-sleeve was one that led to ruin, and if I could turn away from it, like a prodigal son, that would be no bad thing? Or perhaps it suited his pride to think that the rival he had been outdone by was the princess herself, rather than some debauched nobleman, and that in itself was no bad thing?
My mind was whirling with these jumbled thoughts when Yang Enming’s voice rang out in the distance. ‘Lin xiong, Wei xiong, many apologies for my lateness.’
I let out a secret sigh of relief. As my gaze fell on Yang Enming’s belly, which was wobbling up and down as he advanced upon us at speed, I felt a sudden sense of friendliness towards him.
We were soon ensconced in Yixian Tavern, in a private room called Taibai’s Residence.[5] Lin Haiyuan went over to the window that overlooked the street and opened it, allowing a breeze to enter. Yang Enming carefully dabbed away the sheen of sweat that covered his shiny face.
The table in the room had already been laid with a tea set. I picked up the teapot and filled Yan Enming’s cup. ‘You’re far too generous, Yang xiong,’ I said with a smile. ‘You’re this year’s zhuangyuan, after all. Xiao Lin Zi and I should be the ones treating you to wine.’
Yang Enming urged Lin Haiyuan to sit down, then crooked two fingers and tapped them on the table in my direction to thank me for the tea. ‘None of that now, Wei xiong. After what His Majesty promised you in the imperial garden the other day, the position of Eldest Prince Consort is now firmly within your grasp. Why, Lin xiong and I will soon have to address you as “Your Highness” whenever we see you. If you should feel moved to show us a little additional favour, Wei xiong, on account of us having passed the imperial examination in the same year, your humble servant would be most grateful indeed. How would I dare expect you to pay for my wine as well?’
Ah, so that was the reason behind this gathering. I gave a dry little chuckle and sipped my own tea. Lin Haiyuan’s well-defined eyebrows quirked upwards, though his expression remained otherwise neutral. He pointed out of the window. ‘Let us admire the scenery.’
But there was hardly anything worth admiring — only the two rows of sturdy parasol trees which lined the street, their withered yellow leaves shivering in the wind. One leaf quivered free of its branch and drifted downwards. Lin Haiyuan reached out and caught it in his hand. ‘The autumn wind sweeps aside the fallen leaves,’ he said, with a cool, indifferent smile. ‘A beautiful sight indeed!’
Yang Enming was looking slightly embarrassed, so I refilled his teacup for him. ‘They say the higher you climb, the further you will be able to see,’ I said, pointing at the sparsely populated street beneath us. ‘This building is tall, but unlike the viewing platforms in many beauty spots, it is not precariously built, which makes well-suited for taking in the scenery. It’s just that today, for some reason… well, there are still some passersby in the street directly below us, but if you look a little further, at the next street — that’s the one which leads all the way to the city gates — it’s completely deserted, without a single soul in sight. Why is that, I wonder?’
Yang Enming gave me an odd look. ‘What?’ he asked in puzzled tones. ‘You didn’t know, Wei xiong?’
‘Know what?’ I asked, surprised.
‘A few months ago, the Xiongnu invaded some of our border regions. The Third Prince Consort, Zhao Yishu, personally led our armies against them and routed them most comprehensively. Since then, our victorious armies have been making their way back to the capital, and today is the day they’re expected to arrive. The main street leading to the city gates was cleared this morning so that it could be swept completely clean, the better to welcome our returning heroes. This is such a major event — were you truly unaware of it, Wei xiong?’
The longer Yang Enming spoke, the more agitated he became. His eyes were fixed deploringly on me, as if my ignorance of the matter made me no better than some illiterate fool, unworthy of the title of tanhua, and even more unworthy of my future title of prince consort. For my part, all I could do was express silent regret for the psychological trauma I’d inadvertently caused him. I lacked the strength even to refill his cup, because the very name ‘Zhao Yishu’ had sent an uneasy ripple through my heart.
Up until now, I’d completely forgotten that he existed — clearly I’d been having too easy a time of late. Now that he’d returned with military triumphs under his belt, I wasn’t sure what that meant for things between myself and the princess.
Flicking open my fan with an audible snap, I called in the direction of the doorway, ‘Waiter, bring us wine! Large jars of wine!’
Lin Haiyuan’s gaze shifted from the withered leaf in his hand to my face; his expression was thoughtful. I did my best to muster up a smile in return.
Just after we’d eaten and drunk our fill, the returning soldiers began filing into the capital, marching along the main street which ran just parallel to the one directly beneath our window. At the head of this army rode a white-robed general. He sat perfectly erect on the back of his warhorse, and the sword in his hand glinted coolly in the wan autumn sunshine.
Although I couldn’t quite make out his face, I had to admit to myself that Zhao Yishu lived up to the high regard in which he was held by the world. He cut a handsome figure on the back of that horse, and looked every inch the hero.
Hospitably, Yang Enming invited me to join him by the window, the better to admire our returning hero’s splendour. I made an excuse about needing the outhouse, and slipped quickly out of the room. I turned a corner and saw that the door of the private room next to ours was ajar. Through the opening, I could see a young woman leaning by the window, gazing out at the crowds below.
No doubt another hero-worshipping young woman, I thought, unheeding of whether the object of her admiration was a married man. Then she moved her head slightly, and I stared at her out of my wine-dazed eyes. It was… the Third Princess?
I rubbed my eyes, intending to take a better look. But the woman in the room had turned towards the window again, and all I could see of her was a somewhat forlorn-looking back. I shook my head, sighing over what a ridiculous notion that had been. Today was the day of the Third Prince Consort’s return to the capital. Why would his wife run off by herself to stare at him from the window of some tavern, instead of waiting for him at home? Too much wine, I decided, was clearly bad for me.
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Footnotes:
- In Chinese, 巳时, approximately 9am to 11am. On traditional Chinese timekeeping, see footnote 3 to Chapter 21. [return to text]
- In Chinese, 一哭二闹三吃药, a riff on the common expression 一哭二闹三上吊, literally ‘first you weep, then you scream, then you hang yourself (or threaten to). This is typically used in the context of a woman making a terrible scene in order to get her own way, often in relation to her boyfriend, husband or mother-in-law. [return to text]
- In Chinese, 再 回首已是百年身, more or less literally ‘when I look back (at my mistakes), I realise a lifetime has already passed’. This originates from the novel Marked by Flower and Moon (花月痕) by the Qing Dynasty author Wei Xiuren (魏秀仁). [return to text]
- In Chinese, 棒打鸳鸯, literally ‘beating the mandarin ducks with a stick’. The term means forcibly breaking up a loving couple, mandarin ducks being a symbol of fidelity and devotion in Chinese culture. It originates from the opera Record of a Virtuous Woman (贞文记) by the Ming Dynasty playwright Meng Chengshun (孟称舜). [return to text]
- In Chinese, 太白居. ‘Taibai’ is the courtesy name of the Tang Dynasty poet Li Bai (李白), who was almost as famous for his love of wine as for the brilliance of his verse. [return to text]
douqi 随笔 