Purely by Accident – Chapter 32
***
For all the princess’ threats about divorcing me, she was ultimately won over by my wit and perspicacity, my martial prowess, and my general irresistibility. A few days later, my great and noble future father-in-law His Majesty the Emperor proclaimed formally before the whole court that the princess and I were to be wed.
On either side of me, the assembled ranks of brightly-clad officials got to their knees, all chanting, ‘May Your Majesty live for ten thousand years!’ My rule-breaking, norm-flouting, lawless bandit’s soul felt a twinge of guilt.
It wasn’t that I was particularly cowardly; it was because Chu Feichen’s family, my future in-laws, were powerful enough to do exactly as they wished, with no one to gainsay them.[1] If my identity as a woman was ever exposed, my future father-in-law could simply command someone to dig a pit and bury me in it, and no one would dare breathe a single word of opposition.
The thought made me break into a cold sweat. Wan-faced, I sought to console myself. They did say, ‘If I should perish beneath the peony blossoms’ — that being, of course, a metaphor for a beautiful woman’s skirts — ‘then even in death I would be an amorous ghost’.[2] If I were to be buried alive one day, I could at least hope to enrich the soil from which the blossoms grew.[3] Oh, my darling Chu Feichen, my wonderful girl, if that is to be my fate, will you see to it that I pass on to the next realm as a completely satisfied ghost?
After court had adjourned for the day, the Second Prince Consort Wei Zhuoyang invited me to his manor for drinks that evening, explaining that all the other prince consorts would be in attendance. He made it sound like a convivial gathering of our loose fraternity of brothers-in-law. I didn’t feel I could refuse, so I said I would be there.
When I finally meandered my way back to my residence, fanning myself distractedly, the first thing I saw was Zheng Hao sitting on the threshold, a most pitiful sight indeed. A gust of chill wind blew past, and his thin form shivered.
I went up to him and gave him a pat on the head. ‘What’s the matter, Xiao Hao?’ I asked carefully. ‘Why are you sitting out here by yourself in this wind? Aren’t you cold?’
He looked up at me with vacant eyes. It was quite some time before a spark of life came back into them and he seemed to realise that the person standing in front of him was me. Then he clutched my sleeve tightly, his mouth twisting; he looked as if he were about to cry.
Puzzled, I reached out hastily and felt his forehead. ‘What is it? Are you ill?’
He shook his head rapidly, pointing fearfully inside the front gates. ‘Inside… s-scary men…’
Scary men? Had some petty thieves who didn’t know what was good for them decided to wreak havoc in your fearsome bandit chief’s own residence — and, what was more, had the gall to remain until I came home?
I gritted my teeth. ‘Don’t be afraid, Xiao Hao,’ I urged. ‘Tell me, are they burglars? How many of them are there?’
He stared at me blankly for a moment, then said hesitatingly, ‘T-two men. They’re n-not burglars, b-but certainly r-ruffians… th-they said they w-were your f-friends…’
Two men? Ruffians? My friends?
Oh, that accursed scoundrel Xu Ziqi!
I flicked my fan shut, forcibly smoothed down the veins that were bulging out on my temples, and turned to Zheng Hao. ‘Was one of them a tall man with a wicked grin?’ I asked, looking straight into his eyes. ‘What did he do to you? Did he stroke your cheek? Pinch you on the waist?’
Zheng Hao’s normally pale little face flushed deep red. Moisture was welling up in those clear, limpid eyes.
Tightening my grip on my fan, I stormed through the front gates. That twice-accursed Xu Ziqi! He’d only just arrived at my residence, and already he’d harassed my poor steward thoroughly!
Zheng Hao trailed hesitantly after me, looking distressed.
Just outside the main hall, I heard Xu Ziqi’s irreverent voice within. ‘A-Chen, this house of Zisong’s isn’t half bad, is it?’ he was saying in somewhat ingratiating tones. ‘One of these days, we should also find ourselves a nice little place away from the stronghold, and settle down to a peaceful life.’
I came to a silent halt, and pulled Zheng Hao to a standstill.
Unsurprisingly, Yi Chen said nothing, leaving Xu Ziqi to prattle on by himself. However, all his ‘A-Chen’ this and ‘A-Chen’ that met with no response. Finally, seeming to reach the limits of his endurance, he lowered his voice in defeat and said, ‘A-Chen, it was wrong of me. That steward was so good-looking, I forgot to keep my hands to myself. That won’t happen again, I swear. Say something, A-Chen!’
I took advantage of this opportune moment to make my entrance, just in time to see Xu Ziqi hanging on to Yi Chen’s arm, his head drooping submissively. Beside me, Zheng Hao was staring at them flabbergasted; his mouth fell open.
I crossed my arms over my chest and said, with a certain amount of malicious pleasure, ‘Don’t listen to him, A-Chen. That scoundrel has made so many of these promises, but how many times has he actually kept one?’
Yi Chen turned in the direction of my voice, and his blank expression broke into a smile. ‘Dage!’ he greeted me enthusiastically. ‘It’s been such a long time.’
Xu Ziqi looked at me as well, grinning broadly. ‘Dage! Come here, Zisong my good man, give me a hug!’ He made to pounce on me, and I sidestepped him easily. He allowed the force of his movement to carry him straight into Zheng Hao’s path, and ended up with his arms wrapped around my hapless steward.
Xu Ziqi put on an expression of exaggerated surprise. ‘Oh, I’ve hugged the wrong person. What are you doing here, little steward?’
I could see fear bobbing up again in Zheng Hao’s limpid eyes. Hastily, I pulled Xu Ziqi away from him, and gave my erstwhile second-in-command a sharp rap on the head with my fan. ‘That’s enough, you rascal. Watch yourself!’
Somewhat sheepishly, Xu Ziqi let go of the handful of Zheng Hao’s robe he was still holding on to. Then he looked at me, and raised an eyebrow in his most caddish fashion. ‘And how goes your grand plan for overpowering the princess and conquering the imperial harem?’ he asked.
Unaccountably, Zheng Hao shuddered.
I glared exasperatedly at Xu Ziqi. ‘No thanks to you, His Majesty the Emperor has formally promised me the princess’ hand in marriage just this morning.’
Yi Chen grinned at me slyly. Xu Ziqi, however, frowned. ‘Oh? Does this mean you haven’t found your way into the princess’ bed yet? My dear dage, it’s been months. Have you learned nothing from me?’
Glancing at Yi Chen out of the corner of my eye, I decided to sow a little more discord between them. ‘Indeed I haven’t,’ I scoffed. ‘If you were to call yourself the second biggest lecher in the world, no one would dare claim to be the biggest.’
Xu Ziqi shook his head. ‘Wrong, wrong, my dear dage! Why, I’m no lecher — I’m simply a romantic soul. That’s all the rage these days, you know.’ He paused, then put on a most anguished expression. ‘Dage, it makes me so sad to learn that you’ve misunderstood me so badly. Why, to think I even brought you a gift—’
His hand went to his pocket as he spoke, but found nothing. The startled look that came over his face was most satisfying indeed.
Beside me, Zheng Hao slowly held up his clean, almost supernaturally gifted hand. In it was a book with a shiny golden cover, which was inscribed prominently with the words: Nine Paths to Erotic Pleasure.
I was spluttering too much to speak.
Yi Chen reached over and dabbed at the sweat that had sprung out on my forehead, a grin spreading slowly over his face. ‘Don’t be angry, dage. You really should keep the book. It’s bound to come in useful one of these days.’
Xu Ziqi leaned closer, wearing a fawning expression. ‘Oh, A-Chen. Truly you are the one who knows me best!’
***
That evening, I attended the gathering at the Second Prince Consort’s manor as promised, the details of which I need not repeat here. The most notable impression I came away with was that, even to my deeply prejudiced eyes, Zhao Yishu seemed a most steady and honourable young man. Although I didn’t want to admit it, I found myself thinking somewhat dejectedly that, if Chu Feichen really had fancied him in the past, that would only be natural.
Regardless of what had happened in the past, however, the auspicious date appointed for our wedding finally arrived. As the princess was to be married from the palace, I rode there on horseback bright and early in the morning. At the palace’s Donghua Gate, I changed into my court robes, complete with a belt studded with jade ornaments, then set off towards the princess’ personal quarters. That was where she had resided since childhood, until she had been granted a manor of her own beyond the palace walls.
A grand bridal procession marched with me, led by a troupe of musicians. An attendant held a three-tiered umbrella of golden silk over my head. As I cantered along, I felt as if I were on top of the world.
Even after I’d arrived at the princess’ personal quarters, I still wasn’t allowed to see her — at least, not yet. She was hidden from view in the bright red, eight-bearer sedan chair which waited quietly at the entrance. I went up to the astronomer who stood in front of the sedan chair and cupped my hands before me respectfully. ‘Your humble servant Wei Zisong is here to escort Her Highness to her new home!’ I said in a clear voice.
The musicians struck up a joyful tune. They led the procession all the way back to my own residence, which had been newly redecorated and festooned with lanterns and silk hangings in readiness for the occasion. Xu Ziqi and Yi Chen were standing by the front gates, all smiles. For a moment, I felt as if I’d gone back in time to my wedding night back at our bandit stronghold, when the princess had stood smiling amid the overlapping circles of lantern-light in her flame-red robes, dazzling my eyes effortlessly.
Next came a formal banquet, over the course of which our winecups were ceremonially filled nine times.[4] Each cup was drunk slowly to the accompaniment of various entertainments, including musical and dance performances. Different courses of elaborate dishes were served alongside each cup of wine from the third one onwards. The emperor himself was in attendance. Grasping my hand warmly, he said in gratified tones, ‘Now that I’ve given this daughter of mine into your care, I can finally rest easy — and so can Her Highness the Empress Dowager, for the matter of Feichen’s marriage has weighed long on her mind. My daughter has been of a rather wilful temperament ever since she was a child; as her prince consort, I ask that you bear with her as much as you can.’
Wiping away the cold sheen of sweat that had formed on my forehead, I thanked the emperor profusely for his favour, nodding ‘yes’ about half a hundred times. He beamed upon me, and all the other officials in attendance followed suit. They came up to me one after another, plying me with cup upon cup of wine.
By the time Zhao Yishu came up to me, holding a flagon of wine, I’d drunk so much that my head was spinning and my knees had turned into something resembling mush. His face was a complex, unfathomable mix of emotions; my wine-addled eyes simply could not make any of them out.
He said nothing at first, only poured himself three cups of wine and downed them one after another. Then he finally opened his mouth. His expression was still inscrutable, but this time I could discern a genuine sincerity shining through it. ‘Wei Zisong,’ he said, ‘treat Feichen well.’
Feichen. He’d called her Feichen.
I was struggling to twitch the corners of my lips into even a semblance of a smile, so I settled for a bitter inward chuckle instead. Tossing my head back, I downed the contents of my own winecup in a single gulp. ‘Of course, Zhao xiong. I hardly need you to remind of me of that. In my view, as fellow prince consorts — as brothers-in-law — it would be best for us to devote our attentions entirely to our own wives.’
The hand holding his cup trembled, and wine spilled all over the floor. He glanced at me again for another moment, his eyes looking everywhere except into mine, then cupped his hands before him in farewell and left.
What I very much wanted to ask him was, if he cared so much about Chu Feichen, why had he asked the emperor for the Third Princess’ hand in marriage on that fateful day, as the whole court watched on? Chu Feichen’s face, wearing a somewhat wistful expression, rose up in my mind’s eye. I shook my head, my chest tightening.
At long last the banquet was over, and an attendant came to lead me to the bridal chamber. She pushed the door open to reveal my beloved, sitting quietly on the bed in her bright red robes and ornate headdress.[5] The attendant was about to call out to the princess, but I dismissed her with a wave of my hand. Shutting the door behind her, I turned back around and edged slowly towards the bed. I reached out and took hold of a corner of the princess’ veil; my fingertips were trembling ever so slightly.
I flung my hand upwards and sent the veil fluttering to the floor, revealing the princess’ face fully to my gaze. She looked up and gave me a radiant smile.
‘Zisong.’
In the glimmering light of the candles, her expression was serene, tender. As if by some miracle, the sight soothed my ruffled feathers immediately. I reached out and began delicately tracing the contours of her features with my fingers.
She took my wandering hand in hers, and drew me gently down to sit beside her. Unable to resist her nearness, I gathered her into my arms and held her close, murmuring over and over into her ear, ‘Princess, Feichen, Feichen, my Feichen.’ The softness of my voice perhaps belied how tightly I was clutching her.
One of her hands climbed up to my shoulder; with the other she stroked my back gently. ‘What’s the matter?’ she said softly. ‘Has something upset you?’
Her caresses were soothing against my skin; her voice fell comfortingly on my troubled heart. Even if I had been a thousand times more upset than I was, that would have been enough to make me forget all my sorrows. I wrapped my arms even more tightly around her, determined never to let go, and buried my face in the side of her neck, kissing the tender skin just above her collar.
A little shiver ran through her. Her hand stilled for a moment, then hesitantly it crept up to my face. She turned her head slightly so that her lips brushed against my earlobe.
I felt as if my ear had caught on fire. With a roar, the flames spread rapidly over the rest of my body, burning so fiercely that they left my mouth and throat dry. With a trembling hand, I reached down to undo the ties of her robes.
Flushing prettily, she held out a hand to bar my way. I caught it in mine and searched her face carefully. ‘Princess?’ I asked doubtfully.
She disentangled her hand from mine, seemed to set her jaw, then reached down for my belt and began unfastening it. The flames in my heart burned even higher.
Her hand slipped inside my outer robe and found its way beneath my undershirt. I clutched her even more tightly to me, lost to everything else, then bent my head and sought out her lips with mine.
Her breath was fresh and cool, with just a hint of a rich fragrance akin to plum blossoms. Her lips were soft and tender. I suckled at them again and again, and then finally giving in to temptation, I slipped my tongue past them, only to encounter a wall of clenched teeth. Her eyes fluttered open slightly; she seemed dazed, and a little surprised.
‘Be a good girl,’ I whispered softly against the corner of her mouth. ‘Relax.’
She obliged, parting her teeth slightly. My tongue promptly slid inside her mouth, entwining itself with her own. She had worked her hand fully into my undershirt, and was clutching at my back as if for dear life. She tilted back slightly, and I leaned forward; the next moment, I was lying on top of her.
The room was suffused with the warm glow of the candles; the beautiful woman I loved lay close in my arms. Three words echoed in my mind: Entwined like lovebirds, like lovebirds entwined.[6]
Then I heard a dull thud. Something had fallen out of my outer robe, which was hanging loose. The princess’ eyes flew open abruptly. She cocked her head; her gaze was now completely clear.
She reached down, fished for the fallen object, and held it up between us. When she spoke, her voice was still a little husky. ‘Nine Paths to Erotic Pleasure?’
Oh, that thrice-accursed Xu Ziqi!
With a sheepish chuckle, I tried to snatch the book out of her hand, but she simply flung it back onto the floor. Then she wrapped both arms around my neck and pressed her forehead against mine. Gazing at me with sparkling eyes, she said, smiling, ‘And which of these paths do you wish to take tonight, Zisong?’
Er. What?
My face was burning. I leaned forward, kissed the corner of her mouth, and said with perfect honesty, ‘I haven’t actually studied this, so whichever path it is, I’m fairly sure I’ll end up losing my way.’
She laughed then. Drawing my head down to hers, she buried her face in my shoulder. A few moments later, a low murmur drifted to my ears.
‘Zisong,’ she said. ‘Give me some time.’
***
Footnotes:
- In Chinese, 只手遮天, literally ‘cover the sky with one hand’. It describes someone powerful enough to hide the truth from the masses. [return to text]
- n Chinese, the saying 牡丹花下死, 做鬼也风流. There are two different accounts as to the origin of this saying. The first account claims that it originates from the poem ‘Drunk Xi Shi’ (醉西施) by the Yuan Dynasty actress and singer Zhu Lianxiu (珠帘秀). The second account claims that it originates from the romantic play The Peony Pavilion (牡丹亭) by the Ming Dynasty playwright Tang Xianzu (汤显祖). Whatever its true origin, it is now used to mean that winning the love of (or at least, the opportunity for a sexual encounter with) a beautiful woman is a romantic and worthwhile endeavour, one worth risking death for. [return to text]
- In Chinese, 化作春泥更护花, literally ‘[the fallen flowers] turn willingly into spring soil to nourish future blooms’. This originates from a shi poem by the Qing Dynasty poet and minor official Gong Zizhen (龚自珍), which was compiled in the collection Miscellaneous Poems from the Year Jihai (己亥杂诗). In the poem, the image of fallen blossoms enriching the soil is a metaphor for the poet’s determination to continue nurturing the next generation even after his resignation from the civil service. [return to text]
- This very elaborate banquet format is known in Chinese as 九盏宴会, literally ‘a banquet of nine [wine] cups’, and appears to originate from the Song Dynasty. [return to text]
- In Chinese, 凤冠霞帔. See footnote 1 to Chapter 10. [return to text]
- In Chinese, 鸳鸯交颈, 交颈鸳鸯. This describes mandarin ducks leaning their necks against each other’s. It is a metaphor for marital affection, mandarin ducks being a symbol for romantic love in Chinese and several other East and Southeast Asian cultures. [return to text]
douqi 随笔 