Purely by Accident – Chapter 33
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Warm early-morning sunshine streamed into the bedroom.
Chu Feichen was sleeping very soundly, her head tucked into the curve of my neck and one of her hands resting on my shoulder. From this angle, I could see the very faint shadows which her long lashes cast on the fine white porcelain of her cheeks; her delicate little nose, which was nevertheless as perfectly straight as the handle of a writing-brush; and the slightly upturned corners of her lips. Her face was calm and untroubled in sleep.
Very carefully, I leaned down and placed the lightest of kisses on her temple. A faint touch of ruefulness welled up in my heart.
I had gone through a wedding ceremony with the same woman twice, and spent the night of the ‘wedding’ with the same woman twice, yet not once had I achieved that all-important consummation. Luckily I was a woman as well, I reflected. Had I been a man, all this repression would probably have rendered me impotent by now. Although — and here I unconsciously traced a circle on the princess’ arm with one finger — if I were a man, would the princess still have had so many reservations about being intimate with me? Or was Zhao Yishu still the only one she desired in that way?
A wry smile rose to my lips. Chu Feichen, oh Chu Feichen, exactly how much am I worth to you, in your heart of hearts?
The woman herself stirred in my arms, her head rubbing lightly against my neck. Her eyelashes trembled ever so slightly; she seemed to be on the verge of waking up. I schooled my expression into stillness and closed my eyes.
Then a drowsy, languid voice came gently to my ears. ‘Mm, Zisong…’
She drew out the last syllable, her voice sweeter and softer than I’d ever heard it. A delicious weakness spread over me, but I still had strength enough to smile, thankful that even half-asleep, she’d managed to call me by the right name.
Then something tickled gently at the hollow of my throat. She’d opened her eyes, then closed them again, and her lashes were brushing against my neck, raising goosebumps all over my skin. Her head was at this point resting on my arm, which stiffened involuntarily. Truly, I reflected, only one who felt no carnal desires whatsoever could reach the dizzying heights of Liuxia Hui, that perfect gentleman who was said to have sheltered a woman in his lap for a whole night without the slightest impingement on her honour.[1]
In the moments it took me to sigh over this, the princess seem to have roused herself to full wakefulness. The hand that had been resting on my shoulder tugged briefly at my undershirt, then changed direction and wandered upwards. Her fingers traced my eyebrows, my eyelids, paused briefly at the corner of my mouth, then made straight for my ear and caressed the lobe gently.
A half-remembered line of poetry drifted into my mind:
I wake from hazy wine-dazed dreams
To find the drapes drooped low.
The rich perfume of plum blossoms
Suffuses every nook.[2]
Her touch was too much for me to bear. Just as I was about to open my eyes again, I heard her sigh — a melancholy sound, as if giving voice to many worries which lay heavy on her heart.
Unable to help myself, I reached out, wrapped an arm around her waist, and met her eyes. ‘Good morning, princess,’ I said, smiling at her.
She stared at me disbelievingly for a good long while, propping herself up on one elbow. Her hand shrank back momentarily from my ear, then she reached for it again, this time pinching it some force. Her face was flushed with a mixture of vexation and embarrassment, rather as if she’d been caught in flagrante delicto with a paramour. Her eyebrows knitted into a frown. ‘Wei Zisong, you’ve been awake all this time!’ she said accusingly.
Clever girl. Her long hair, which was hanging loose, lay across my temple and shoulder. She was dressed only in her undershirt and under-trousers, and through the former I could glimpse, just faintly, the delectable contours of her bosom. Her cheeks were still flushed sweetly from sleep, and her eyes sparkled with indignation. She was an absolutely charming, impossibly adorable vision.
This wonderful woman was now my wife. My eyes lingered on her chest, savouring that delightful sight, as I reached out and wound a lock of her hair around one finger. In response to her accusation, I gave only a noncommittal shrug.
Biting her lip, she shoved my hand away and rolled over, turning a forbidding back on me.
Oh, now she was bashful, now she was in a pique, now she was calling out for me to soothe her ruffled feathers. I glanced down at my empty arms, which felt suddenly cold and lonely, then rolled over obligingly and slipped an arm around her waist. She put out a hand to bar my way, but I simply caught hold of it and drew her — would-be obstructive hand and all — close against me. I leaned my head on her shoulder and began nuzzling her neck.
She elbowed me slightly. ‘What are you doing, wrapping yourself all over me? You’re completely shameless — and such a nuisance too.’
I kissed her ear. ‘Princess, princess, good morning.’
She shifted her head to one side, and seemed to grit her teeth. ‘What’s so good about the morning? Why don’t you just close your eyes and go right back to sleep? There’s no need to mind me.’
I kissed her neck. ‘Princess, princess, congratulations on our marriage.’
She hissed softly through her teeth and squirmed slightly against me. Then one of her hands found their way to my waist and gave it a vicious pinch. ‘You bloody bandit, you good-for-nothing scoundrel…’
Oh, she was addressing me with such familiar endearments — she’d definitely never used these terms before. Lost in my enjoyment of the epithets she was rattling off, I quite forgot myself. I leaned forward and licked her earlobe, then took it into my mouth and began teasing it lightly with my tongue.
Her whole body quivered; her back arched. She fumbled for my hand and clutched at it tightly in her trembling one. ‘Wei Zisong,’ she stammered haltingly, ‘Zisong…’ It sounded half like resistance, half an invitation.
My lips still pressed against her earlobe, I murmured, ‘Princess, princess, call me prince consort.’
Seemingly goaded beyond endurance, she finally turned to face me — which was exactly what I’d been hoping for. I tightened my arm around her waist, pressing her whole body into mine. Her breasts felt unimaginably soft against me; the sensation made my heart melt and overflow, like a river in full spring thaw.
Startled, the princess stared at me — then suddenly her expression changed. Surprise still lingered in her eyes, but now there was a brilliant — nay, dazzling, nay, downright radiant — smile on her face, and more than a hint of seduction in the way she was looking at me. She brought her lips ever so slightly forward, so close that they were almost pressing against mine. ‘Prince consort,’ she murmured, putting a wealth of meaning into each drawn-out syllable, ‘what do you want to do?’
Countless whirlpools appeared in the roaring river that was my heart, and I sank like a stone. As if she felt her gaze — as intoxicating as poppies — and voice — as sweet as honey — might not be quite enough to charm me completely out of my senses, the princess placed a hand on my shoulder and pushed me down onto the bed. Then she rolled on top of me, propping herself up on one arm. With the other hand, she traced a slow, gentle path from my forehead to my heart and lingered there, drawing a circle on my skin. Throwing me another beguiling sideways glance, she asked, ‘Prince consort, what would you like to do?’
At her touch, a shiver spread through my body. Instantly — and rather pathetically — my face flushed bright red. My brain was bubbling away like a pot of sweet, sticky eight treasures congee[3] on a hot stove, and my throat had gone very dry. I swallowed, then a line I’d heard the night before surfaced unbidden in my mind. I put an arm around the princess’ waist and asked, still rather dazed, ‘And which of these paths do you wish to take today, princess?’
That must have been a very amusing question, because she finally burst out laughing. Leaning down, she reached for my hand — which was pinned against the bed — and entwined her fingers with mine. Dropping a light kiss on the corner of my mouth, she said, ‘The way you look now, Zisong, truly tempts one to take advantage of you.’
With the utmost sincerity, I offered up what I considered to be a most constructive proposal. ‘Then do it,’ I urged. ‘And after you’ve taken advantage of me, it’ll be my turn to take advantage of you. You can have your way with me, and I’ll have my way with you. What harmonious conjugal relations we’ll have!’
A flush spread across the princess’ face and deepened further, but she was still unable to stop herself from letting out a chortle. Trying her best to rearrange her features into a semblance of sternness, she nipped a little forcefully at the corner of my lip. ‘You and your nonsense,’ she chided.
I pouted.
The princess tapped my nose lightly, then sat up. ‘The day is wearing on,’ she said. ‘Let’s get out of bed.’
Oh, why did this girl seem so impervious to any form of carnal temptation? Chu Feichen really should be awarded some sort of title for that, I reflected with a little inward sigh. ‘A turn-of-the-century Liuxia Hui’, perhaps, or ‘the perfect ascetic for our new age’.[4]
I was still lying down, and the princess was sitting with her back to me. I nestled my head against her lower back and encircled her waist with both arms, tightening my embrace slowly.
She reached out and covered my hands with hers. ‘What’s the matter?’ she asked softly.
I shook my head and lay silent for a few moments. In the end, however, I felt I couldn’t let it go without saying something. Making my tone as light as possible, I told her, ‘Princess, what you said last night, about giving you some time… don’t keep me waiting too long, if you can? It can’t be healthy to have to hold something like that in for so long.’
The princess’ hands, which had been stroking mine idly, paused. After a moment, she patted the back of my hand and said a single word.
‘Yes.’
By the time I got out of bed and got dressed, the sun was already high in the sky. This being autumn, its light was wan, but it still held a certain degree of warmth. I had settled myself down comfortably in the main hall and was drinking a cup of tea when Xu Ziqi and Yi Chen wandered in. They came right up to me, two pairs of eyes glinting lewdly above equally lewd smiles.
Yi Chen prodded Xu Ziqi, and Xu Ziqi chuckled in the most vulgar fashion. ‘Where’s saozi?’ he asked. ‘Why isn’t she with you?’
I blew aside the tea leaves that had floated to the top of my cup. ‘According to royal protocol,’ I said, giving him a kindly reminder, ‘you should be addressing her respectfully as Her Royal Highness the Eldest Princess.’
Yi Chen shook his head. His face was very much that of a scholar’s, but the smile that spread across it belonged to an out-and-out cad. ‘The princess is royal, true, but she’s also your wife. It should be appropriate enough for us to address her as saozi, according to our own established customs.’ His smile took on an unmistakable note of innuendo. ‘Has saozi not been able to get out of bed yet, even at this hour?’
My many years of life at the stronghold with these two scoundrels told me perfectly well where this conversation was going. I put down my cup, and asked, lifting an eyebrow, ‘And what about it?’
Yi Chen grinned so broadly that I could see all his front teeth. He exchanged glances with Xu Ziqi, then rubbed his hands together. ‘Nothing,’ he replied with a chuckle. ‘Just… you must have put on a truly impressive performance last night, dage, truly impressive.’ He chuckled again.
Somehow he’d managed to turn a perfectly good sentence into something completely obscene. As the chief of our stronghold, I felt duty-bound to admonish him. ‘A-Chen, a young man like you should be spending less time around Xu Ziqi. Why, he’s quite dragged you down to his level — how filthy-minded you’ve become!’
Xu Ziqi’s eyes widened indignantly. ‘What’s that got to do with me?’ he countered. ‘And what did he say that was so filthy-minded? Dage, you’re trying to drive a wedge between us, to force us apart!’ His mouth flattened into a thin drooping line, and his voice dropped into a mutter. ‘You know what they say? ‘Tis better to pull down ten temples than break up a single marriage. Badly done, Wei Zisong, badly done.’
Yi Chen flushed slightly.
I drew my fan from my belt and snapped it open. ‘Oh? Is that how it is?’ I asked with every appearance of seriousness.
Xu Ziqi stepped even closer to me, dragging Yi Chen with him. Their faces loomed enormously into my field of vision. Xu Ziqi studied me for a long time before pronouncing a somewhat hesitant assessment. ‘His desires: unfulfilled.’
Yi Chen nodded. ‘His advances: rejected.’
I reached out to rap them both on the head with my fan; both of them evaded the attempt in perfect synchrony. They exchanged glances again, then chorused together, ‘His marriage: unconsummated.’
Oh, what had I done to deserve two such brothers-in-arms? Alas, my hands were completely tied.
Xu Ziqi patted me on the shoulder, then threw his head back and gave a long, dramatic sigh. ‘The Eldest Princess really isn’t the kind of woman you can hold in the palm of your hand!’
Now that was a sentence capable of so many different interpretations. My thoughts went unavoidably to the lovely curves I’d glimpsed through the princess’ undershirt earlier, and I glanced reflexively down at my own hands.
At this very moment, the princess’ voice rang out calmly from just beyond the threshold. ‘Xiongdi, was that meant as praise or mockery?’
I looked in the direction of her voice, my face splitting into a broad grin. The princess stepped gracefully into the room, her long skirts swishing against the floor, accentuating her willowy figure. I stood up and held out a hand towards her. Silly Girl, who was following behind her, glared at me.
Not that I blamed her. To Silly Girl, there was likely no man — or woman — who could ever be a worthy match for the princess. That a veritable goddess such as the princess should have been lured from her heavenly pedestal by a mere toyboy like myself was, for Silly Girl, probably tantamount to a complete destruction of her faith. If she wanted to glare at me, I was happy to let her. Oh, what a magnanimous soul I was!
Taking my hand, the princess sat down next to me. She looked over at Xu Ziqi and Yi Chen, that enigmatic half-smile on her face. When I saw it, I recited a silent Amitabha for both their sakes.
Xu Ziqi and Yi Chen knelt before the princess, greeting her formally. Then Xu Ziqi said, grinning broadly, ‘As a comment on Your Highness, my words were of course meant as praise!’
‘Oh?’ said the princess. She gazed steadily at him, still smiling. ‘Haven’t I seen you somewhere before, xiongdi?’
Xu Ziqi puffed out his chest proudly.
The princess picked up my teacup and took a sip from it. ‘How tall and handsome you look, and what an imposing figure you cut,’ she told him, in leisurely tones.
Xu Ziqi lifted his chin proudly.
The princess’ smile became even brighter. ‘If I remember correctly, you were the one who abducted me and brought me to your stronghold several months ago, weren’t you, bandit xiongdi?’
Xu Ziqi deflated instantly. Avoiding the princess’ eyes, he turned to Silly Girl and put on the lady-killing smile he was so proud of — the one that had never failed to capture the heart of whichever woman he turned it on. ‘What a pretty little meimei we have here,’ he said. ‘And what might your name be?’
Silly Girl looked over at him, her face completely devoid of expression. ‘Who are you calling meimei, you wretched little pretty boy?’
Xu Ziqi’s handsome face — whose owner had emerged unscathed from a thousand encounters in the tangled thickets of love[5] — turned red, then dark, then red again. It was a most entertaining sight.
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Footnotes:
- In Chinese, the chengyu 坐怀不乱, which can be loosely translated as ‘a woman sits in one’s lap, yet one remains proper and unperturbed’. As indicated in the text, this is a story associated with the politician Liuxia Hui (柳下惠). Born Zhan Huo (展获), he was a politician of the state of Lu during the Spring and Autumn period. As he was the governor of the province of Liuxia during his life, and granted the title of ‘Hui’ after his death, and is therefore more commonly known as ‘Liuxia Hui’. The incident set out here is recounted in The School Sayings of Confucius (孔子家语), a compilation of Confucius’ sayings which function as a supplement to the Analects. Liuxia Hui’s name has since become a byword for propriety in sexual matters. [return to text]
- These lines are taken from a ci poem by the Song Dynasty poet Yan Jidao (晏几道), set to the tune of ‘Gods by the River’ (临江仙). [return to text]
- In Chinese, 八宝粥. This is a dish traditionally eaten during the eighth day of the twelfth month in the traditional Chinese calendar. It is typically made of eight (or more) ingredients, eight being an auspicious number. Ingredients can include grains (such as rice, millet and barley), beans and nuts (such as mung beans, azuki beans, lotus seeds, peanuts, walnuts and chestnuts), dried fruit (such as red dates, longan, raisins and goji berries), tofu, vegetables and meat. [return to text]
- In the original text, 苦行僧. Known in Sanskrit as sadhu (feminine: sādhvī or sādhvīne), this refers to a religious ascetic or mendicant in the Buddhist, Hindu or Jainist traditions who has renounced worldly life. [return to text]
- In the original text, 过尽花丛, 片叶不沾, which can be loosely translated as ‘I walk through thickets of flowers, but not a single leaf clings to me.’ The saying describes a person (usually a man) who has many romantic entanglements, but has managed to avoid losing their heart to any of their partners. [return to text]
douqi 随笔 