Purely by Accident – Chapter 44
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It was still dark when I woke up. Chu Feichen was lying on her side with her face turned towards me; she seemed to be deeply asleep. Carefully, I unhooked her smooth bare arm from around my shoulder and tucked it beneath the covers. Then I studied her sleeping face intently for a while, and felt that my life was now so perfect and full that there was nothing more I could possibly want.
Chu Feichen’s long hair lay across the pillow, as smooth as silk. I wrapped a lock of it around one finger and toyed with it for a few moments, then suddenly remembered something very important I’d forgotten to do last night — to present her with the jade hairpin I’d painstakingly commissioned as a love-token.
And I’d been in such a hurry to fetch it from the jeweller’s too, hoping to give it to her on the auspicious occasion of Shangyuan — only to have it swept completely from my memory by our night of passion. Love truly did leave one’s mind dazzled.
The lake-blue changshan I’d been wearing yesterday lay crumpled at the foot of the bed. I glanced over at my slumbering wife, then leaned forward very tentatively to reach for the garment.
Oh, how foolish I was; how naive.
Pain shot through me the instant I tried to move. Every single bone and sinew felt as if it had been taken apart and carelessly reassembled. My whole body ached so much that I couldn’t help wondering whether it had been replaced by some shoddy counterfeit while I lay sleeping. I’d gotten into countless fights with rival outlaw bands back when I was first setting up my stronghold in the wilds of Mount Yanluo, but none of them had ever left me in quite such a state as this. Oh, Chu Feichen was a genius indeed, with the power of life and death in her fingertips, capable of upending entire rivers and mountain ranges with her lips alone.
I fell helplessly back onto the pillow, and a pair of arms wound themselves around my waist. Their owner, her eyes still closed, enquired languidly, ‘Where are you going?’
Well, it wasn’t as if I had the strength to go anywhere, even if I’d wanted to. I caressed her arm tenderly for a few moments, then asked, ‘You’re awake?’
Chu Feichen opened her eyes, which seemed to hold all the brilliance of the world in them, and stroked the little knot that had formed between my brows. ‘Why have you got such a frown on your face this early in the morning? Are you… not feeling well?’
She’d asked the question obliquely enough, but I still felt my earlobes flushing in the most embarrassing fashion. I tugged the covers higher over myself, and replied quite honestly, ‘I felt wonderful before falling asleep, but everything started hurting after I woke up. That’s the way of the world, I suppose: great pleasure will always be followed by pain. Since I was reckless enough to embark on a night of passion, I should also be ready to bear the consequences—’
And now I sounded like some dull old philosopher. I leaned close and kissed Chu Feichen’s ear, then added suggestively, ‘Besides, shouldn’t you, as a woman of great experience, understand better than anyone else how this feels?’
Chu Feichen promptly pinched me — her wounded prisoner-of-war — ruthlessly on the waist. I let out an exaggerated yelp, and instantly her touch turned gentle. ‘Does this make it a little better?’ she asked, massaging my lower back.
I nodded and said with feeling, ‘What the poets call “these moments of stolen pleasure” are simply too strenuous to be taken on lightly. I’ve been thinking it over, and there really is only one expression that captures this particular form of hardship.’
She shifted closer and put her head on my shoulder. ‘And what’s that?’
‘It’s from a poem,’ I said, clearing my throat. ‘Listen well.’ With a completely straight face, I began to recite, ‘If you hate her, jump her bones; if you love her, jump her bones…’
Chu Feichen looked startled for a moment, then burst out laughing. ‘What sort of twisted reasoning is that?’ she asked, tweaking my nose.
I took advantage of the opportunity to rest the full weight of my sore old bones on her. ‘Princess, princess,’ I said, grinning shamelessly. ‘Don’t you find me both endearing and exasperating, all at the same time? You might have given me your whole heart, yet sometimes you’re still not sure what to do with me?’
The princess nodded, clearly repressing a smile. Her eyes were sparkling as brightly as stars. ‘Mm,’ she said, playing along. ‘And so, all I can really do is — jump your bones.’
I brought my lips to her throat and licked the bite mark I’d left there last night. ‘And now you’ve done that, you need to make an honest woman of me!’ I declared impudently.
Chu Feichen remained still for a moment, then placed a hand beneath my chin and tilted it up slowly. I could see half of my rather foolish expression reflected in her eyes. Very slowly and deliberately, she said:
‘My love’s the moon o’er riverside towers.
Wherever I go,
Wherever I go,
She follows, always shining by my side,
And never shall our two hearts ever part.’[1]
And never shall our two hearts ever part.
I stared at her wordlessly for a few moments, then made to leap up in order to fetch my changshan from the end of the bed.
Chu Feichen caught hold of my wrist with some force. ‘Wei Zisong,’ she said, sitting up slightly. ‘Has no one ever declared their love to you before? Is that why you have no idea how to respond after receiving one?’
Now that was an inaccurate statement. I was about to retort self-righteously that, while it was true that I had received very few declarations of love in my life, my emotional intelligence was so great that it was impossible for me not to know how to respond appropriately to one. But her expression was far too adorable — embarrassment laced with vexation, which in turn held more than a trace of expectation. Those bright eyes were fixed unwaveringly on me, making it clear that she was not about to give a single inch. My eyes travelled just a little further down, to her bare, snow-white shoulder just peeping out from beneath the covers, and the crimson love-bite that stood out brilliantly against her skin.
Reflexively I swallowed, then leaned closer and gave her a kiss. ‘Princess, given that I’m feeling, er, unwell,’ I said, in low, coaxing tones, ‘would you mind bringing me that changshan at the foot of the bed?’
Chu Feichen flung me an exasperated look. She wrapped the covers more tightly around herself, bent and picked up the garment in question, then thrust it into my hands. ‘Here.’
Very carefully, I extracted the jade hairpin from where I’d tucked it, and held it up before the princess as if proffering some rare and fabulous treasure. ‘Answer promptly, Chu Feichen: what is this?’
She looked startled for a moment, then her frosty expression melted away into the broadest of smiles. Her eyes went from the hairpin to me. ‘What is it? I have no idea!’
‘Wrong answer!’ Impartial judge that I was, of course I had to mete out a suitable punishment for her error. So I flung myself on top of her and began raining tiny kisses all over her face.
Chu Feichen squirmed beneath me, giggling. She groped for the hairpin and slipped it from my grasp. Her other hand reached round to rub the back of my neck. ‘Is this for me?’
I nodded, ‘It’s a symbol of my love,’ I said very solemnly. ‘You’re not to lose it.’
She held the hairpin up to my own hair and studied the effect closely for a while. ‘Does it have some special meaning?’ she asked, running her fingers over the large jade bead that dangled from it.
‘Of course,’ I embellished. ‘I had a wise hermit put an enchantment on it. The moment you place it in your hair’ — and here I tapped her nose — ‘you, Chu Feichen, will become mine for the rest of your life, and there’s no running away from that.’
Some sort of emotion welled up in her eyes, but in the next instant she’d pushed it back down below the surface again. Clutching the hairpin, she nestled herself closely into my arms. ‘I’m not running away,’ she said, her voice so low it was almost a sigh. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’
If only this moment could stretch into one long eternity, I thought. I’d be content just to lie here with you in my arms, until the end of time.
Alas, we finally had to get out of bed, because Eldest Princess Chu Feichen was due to have breakfast with the empress dowager at the palace.
Reluctantly, I helped her dress. As I stood behind her at the dressing table, running a comb half-heartedly through her hair, I grumbled away in the most pitiful fashion. ‘Our grandma is so inconsiderate! Why is she stealing my wife away from me this early in the morning?’
Smiling, Chu Feichen watched me in the large bronze mirror she was sitting in front of, but said nothing.
I plonked the comb down on the dressing table and rocked her shoulders gently. ‘Princess, princess, let’s go wandering! Not even the royal family can stop us from going on a honeymoon, can they?’
Chu Feichen turned and wrapped both arms around me, pressing her cheek against my stomach. ‘After the next little while,’ she said. ‘Wang Zhuoyi and Zhao Tingyun’s faction have been rather restless of late.’
Oh, it wasn’t easy being a princess. Silently, I stroked the ends of her hair.
‘And there’s been some unusual activity at the eastern border,’ she added. ‘Troops from the Qi Empire seem to be gathering there. If they were to join forces with Wang Zhuoyi and Zhao Tingyun’s faction, there will be trouble.’ Her voice was low, and held a certain heaviness.
The Qi Empire. The lands of the people of Huaxia[2] were divided into two: the Yan Empire to the west, and the Qi Empire to the east.
For no reason at all, a shiver ran through me.
The princess tightened her arms around me. She looked up, a comforting expression on her face. ‘Are you scared? Everything will be fine. Rest easy, my prince consort, and don’t trouble yourself. Once all these bothersome matters have been dealt with, why don’t I return with you to that stronghold of yours in Yinzhou? We’ll idle away our days together, fishing and looking at the flowers…’
Something seemed to be stuck in my throat; I couldn’t make a single sound. It was only after she drew my face down to hers and pressed a light kiss on my cheek that I managed to force my features into some semblance of a smile. ‘And bathing in the hot springs, and playing madiao,[3] and watching Xu Ziqi tease Yi Chen,’ I added.
Chu Feichen nodded, smiling. ‘Mm. We’ll do all of that too.’
And then it was time for her to leave for the palace. I stood in the walkway that ran through the front courtyard, watching as she stepped through the gates. From the back, her figure was tall and graceful, and the hairpin I’d given her was a vivid splash of green in her coiffure.
The wind rose, making her skirts swirl around her. A flock of pigeons that had been roosting under the eaves took flight, squawking noisily. I was suddenly filled with a sense of foreboding.
Rahul came rushing up from some distance away, and bowed deeply before me. ‘Young Master Xu and Young Master Yi are waiting for you in the main hall, Your Highness. They said they had something to tell you.’
I let out a long breath and fell into step beside him. ‘Did they say what it was about?’ I asked as we walked towards the main hall.
Rahul shook his head, looking somewhat at a loss, so I waved him away.
My steps slowed as I neared the main hall. Xu Ziqi and Yi Chen were both standing in the doorway. The former stepped forward, grabbed my hand and dragged me into the room. There was undisguised exultation in his face.
I straightened my robes and cleared my throat. ‘What is it?’ I asked.
Xu Ziqi glanced at Yi Chen, and the latter came up and tugged at my sleeve. ‘Dage, Governor Wei is here,’ he whispered.
Governor Wei Tiancheng, my father, who had not even deigned to come to my wedding.
A vein was throbbing in my forehead. I took a moment to try and settle my nerves before saying, ‘Oh?’
A figure stepped out from behind the painted screen to my right, and stood smiling at me. It was Governor Wei of Yinzhou himself, though he wasn’t wearing his robes of office.
I forced myself to take a step forward. ‘Father, why didn’t you let me know you were coming? I would have made arrangements to receive you properly.’
His sharply-trimmed beard twitched as he gazed at me, but he said nothing. Then he looked over at Xu Ziqi and Yi Chen. The three of them seemed to share a glance, then they arranged themselves into a single row and, with a sweep of their robes, sank to their knees before me.
It was very quiet in the main hall. Their combined voices, mixed with the chirping of birds from outside, boomed in my ears.
‘We are your humble servants, crown prince!’
I took a step backwards, clenching my fists, and stared at the three men kneeling before me. Through the thick fog that now filled my mind, I suddenly recalled the jest I’d made earlier: ‘That’s the way of the world, I suppose: great pleasure will always be followed by pain.’
Did that count as a self-fulfilling prophecy?
***
Footnotes:
- In Chinese, 思君恰似江楼月, 南北东西, 南北东西, 只有相随无别离. This is a riff on (and subversion of) the first half of a ci poem by the Song Dynasty poet Lü Benzhong (吕本中) set to the tune of ‘Picking Mulberries’ (采桑子). In the original poem, the speaker laments their beloved’s absence, and the first line reads: 恨君不似江楼月 (meaning roughly ‘I grieve that my beloved is unlike the moon over riverside towers’). In the version used here, Chu Feichen alters the first line to turn it into praise for her beloved’s constancy. [return to text]
- In Chinese, 华夏. A historical concept deriving from the shared cultural identity of the ethnic ancestors of the Han Chinese people. [return to text]
- A card game (see footnote 2 to Chapter 14). [return to text]
douqi 随笔 