Purely by Accident – Chapter 47
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There comes a time in every person’s life when scenes before their past begin flashing before their very eyes, like one of those running horse lanterns[1] you see at festivals. They say this usually happens just before that person dies. Rather ominously, I was now getting a foretaste of this experience — though now that I thought about it, I couldn’t be sure how much of a foretaste it really was. Given the sheer quantity of steel blades pointing at me, I felt I was liable to lose my head at any moment.
And every scene that flashed before my eyes had Chu Feichen in it. Our first meeting, when she’d forced herself to keep her composure even in the midst of her alarm. Her unruffled calm and unshakable sense of certainty when we saw each other again at the manor in Yinzhou. Her tenderness of manner and ever-changing moods during the moments we spent together. The way she’d sighed give me some time on our wedding night, even as I read her desire in her eyes. The memory of her body entwined with mine on the night we finally bared our hearts to each other.
All the emotions I’d ever seen in her face — joy, anger, sorrow — how many of these had been real, and how many a sham?
I recalled the poem she’d whispered into my ear just the other day:
‘My love’s the moon o’er riverside towers.
Wherever I go,
Wherever I go,
She follows, always shining by my side,
And never shall our two hearts ever part.’
It was only now that I realised what an utter fool I’d been. The poem itself was an inauspicious one! The lines which followed that verse were:
‘My love’s the moon o’er riverside towers.
Brief is our union,
Brief is our union.
It lasts only while she shines full,
And perishes as her light wanes.’[2]
What I’d thought had been our perfect love had been no more than an illusion. Only that which was marred, broken, ruined, could ever be eternal.
The last scene that replayed itself before my eyes was the night we’d spent at that tavern in Zhezhi City. The moment when she’d turned around lightly to look out over that railing, with the vast night sky before her, the bright moon overhead, and a breeze as cool as water against our skins. The moment when she’d said to me, so very softly, the words that made my heart feel more open than that night sky, brighter than that moon, more refreshed than that breeze could account for.
She’d said, ‘Don’t believe anything anyone else tells you about me. Only trust what you hear from my own mouth.’
And now, what I wanted very much to ask her was: I was foolish enough to believe everything you told me — but how much of that was the truth?
What I wanted to ask her was: Did you plan all this? From the moment you asked me to become your prince consort, to the point when I began suspecting Zhao Yishu, even the conspiracy itself — was everything part of an elaborate trap you set for me?
What I wanted to ask her was: When you said you loved me, did you mean it?
I took a step forward, and discovered that my legs had turned into quivering jelly. I clutched at the table to steady myself, and at that very moment, I felt the tip of Zhao Yishu’s sword against my shoulder.
One of Chu Feichen’s hands seemed to twitch slightly. Some emotion I couldn’t quite make out flared briefly in her eyes.
I smirked coldly. What more did I need to ask her, what more was there to ask? She must have planned all this out with Zhao Yishu beforehand, otherwise why would a woman who had been fast asleep in our home less than an hour ago suddenly turn up here at Yixian Tavern, and with a full entourage of armed guards besides? Chu Feichen, did you really think I’d take leave of my senses so completely as to try and attack you?
Oh, the world was full of these ironies. Zhao Yishu, whom I’d taken for a treacherous backstabber, was in fact the most devoted of loyalists. He’d sacrificed his own happiness for the sake of his sovereign and empire, infiltrated the conspirators’ inner circle, and stood ready to bring his own father to justice. And as for me? I was the deposed heir of Qi; politically, I stood in diametric opposition to them. And yet there I had been, making bold promises about protecting Chu Feichen! She’d played me for a fool, and I, completely oblivious, had fallen over myself to share her burdens instead.[3]
My heart froze over.
Chu Feichen stepped out from the half-circle of guards who flanked her on either side. The light from their torches fell across her face — a face I loved deeply, but now seemed to belong to a stranger.
Her eyes were fixed unflinchingly on me. ‘Wei Zisong, what do you have to say for yourself?’
There really was nothing I had to say for myself. But as I looked into her near-inscrutable face, a strong sense of grievance rose up within me, as if a thousand threads of emotion were surging up from the bottom of my heart. It was so stifling that I could barely breathe. I had to dig my nails into the palms of my hands before I managed to force out a few broken words. ‘You… tricked me…’
A violent shudder went through Chu Feichen, and her features twisted mockingly. ‘I tricked you? If we’re talking about deceptions, Crown Prince Wei, how could I ever hope to match the depth of your machinations? Just a little while ago, you were all sweetness and affection — and then you hurried here, bent on a scheme that would end in my death. Wei Zisong, how great a fool do you take me for? Did you imagine you could keep me wrapped around your little finger[4] forever?’
She’d spoken far too quickly, and now a vein was throbbing in her forehead. It was clear that she was keep her emotions from rising to the surface. Her eyes held some half-concealed anguish.
Pain stabbed suddenly through my heart. Pointing feebly at Zhao Yishu, I said to Chu Feichen, ‘The map—’
The moment those words left my lips, Chu Feichen snatched the map from Zhao Yishu and, without even looking at it, ripped it into pieces. Then she flung her hands up.
As fine shreds of paper rained down around us, I could see in her face — in her eyes — a chilling decisiveness: she was severing all ties between us forever.
I backed away from her.
Chu Feichen closed her eyes. ‘Guards!’ she called out. ‘Wei Zisong’s true identity has been called into question, and I suspect him of conspiring with the rebels to overthrow my father. Seize him and hand him over to the Ministry of Justice to be investigated.’
Before I could do more than look dazedly from side to side, one of the guards had pinned my arms behind my back and was leading me away. As I walked past Chu Feichen, I saw that she was wearing the jade hairpin I’d given her — so verdantly, intensely, piercingly green that it made my vision blur. A question slipped unchecked from my lips.
‘Princess, back in Yinzhou, we agreed that I would be your prince consort for three years. It has been nearly a year since then, so I have not yet occupied that station for the full term. Those three years you promised me — do they still count?’
When it came to matters of the heart, I found it nearly impossible to let things go. Had I not asked that question, I might still have clung to a last, futile hope.
Chu Feichen, however, was thoughtful enough to destroy any lingering illusions I might have. Her voice rang out behind me, calm and somehow distant at the same time. ‘No. Everything I’ve ever said to you before — none of it counts.’
When I heard those words, I finally understood what heartbreak felt like. Very good, I thought. Those who wish to accomplish great deeds would do well to emulate Chu Feichen. Emulating Wei Zisong would only lead them to certain doom.
Numbly, I allowed the guard to lead me out of the room. As we made our way to the ground floor, a figure rushed up to us — only to find his way barred by the drawn blades of the guards who were stationed at the foot of the stairs. ‘Zisong!’ he called out to me frantically.
I looked up. It was Lin Haiyuan, shock and agitation written all over his face.
The corners of my mouth twitched. I had no idea how to even begin explaining myself.
Somehow, Lin Haiyuan managed to force his way past the guards. His normally mild, equable expression had been replaced by panic. ‘What’s going on?’ he asked, catching hold of my arm. ‘There were already guards standing watch here when I arrived. Why are they taking you away?’
The guard had me in such a vice-like grip that I was unable to move. All I could do was give Lin Haiyuan a rueful smile.
He seemed about to say something else, then suddenly he looked up. ‘Princess?’ he asked uncertainly.
Chu Feichen stood at the head of the stairs. Her eyes fell coldly on us. ‘What are you doing here, Lin Haiyuan?’
Lin Haiyuan looked at me, then back at the princess. He went up to her and knelt respectfully before her. ‘Your Highness, Zisong asked your humble servant to meet him here tonight. Might I ask what wrong he has committed, that your guards would go to such lengths to apprehend him?’
He was on his knees, but his back was perfectly straight, and his expression was all steely determination. He looked every inch the upright scholar, speaking up for justice in the face of power.
I heard myself sigh inwardly.
Chu Feichen laughed coldly. ‘He asked you to meet him here? He’s been conspiring to overthrow my father, I’ll have you know. If he asked to meet you, that must mean you’re his accomplice.’
Lin Haiyuan’s expression changed. He looked over at me. In the end, however, he still turned back to the princess and cupped his hands respectfully before his chest. ‘Your Highness, I swear on my life that Zisong is no traitor!’
Chu Feichen glanced at me. ‘On your life? You’re loyal to your childhood playmate indeed — why, you must be the most intimate of friends. I’m sure Heaven itself is moved by the strength of your affection. Very well. I’ll make sure you two friends share the same fate. Guards, seize him!’
One of the guards marched up to Lin Haiyuan. I took a deep breath, and heard myself say calmly, ‘Wait.’
Lin Haiyuan and Chu Feichen turned to look at me at the same time, shock on both their faces.
I let out a long sigh. Let’s be done with this, I thought. I’d already lost all hope when I asked Chu Feichen that last question; why should I drag an innocent man down with me?
Looking Chu Feichen right in the eye, I said deliberately, ‘I am the child of the deposed emperor of Qi. I plotted and schemed my way into becoming a prince consort of the Yan Empire, so that I would be in a position to retake my throne if the opportunity presented itself. None of my friends and comrades know anything about this, much less this former classmate of mine, whom I have only recently been reacquainted with. Wise as you are, Your Highness, I trust that you will not to punish a man who is innocent of any crime.’
Lin Haiyuan’s shoulders suddenly sagged by several inches.
Chu Feichen trembled slightly, and a complicated mixture of emotions flashed across her face. Finally she bit her lip; pure hatred shone from her eyes, breathtaking in its intensity.
Bitterness flooded both my heart and throat.
Chu Feichen laughed abruptly, then turned her back on me. ‘Well said, Wei Zisong, very well said!’ It sounded half like a sigh, half as if she was talking to herself.
Zhao Yishu, who had also emerged from the private room, gave a wave of his hand. ‘The suspect has confessed his guilt. Take him to the Ministry of Justice and lock him up there to await his punishment.’
I had been marked out as a traitor, and now I was bound for prison. I felt as if I’d spent the day as an actor in some ludicrous play.
When they finally led me out of Yixian Tavern, it was already full dark. A breeze was blowing, and a few lonely stars shone in the sky.
I took a deep breath of the cold, sharp air, and recalled what Chu Feichen had told me just a few days ago.
She’d said, ‘Rest easy, my prince consort, and don’t trouble yourself. Once all these bothersome matters have been dealt with, why don’t I return with you to that stronghold of yours in Yinzhou? We’ll idle away our days together, fishing and looking at the flowers…’
The look on her face then had been peaceful, tender.
The corner of my mouth twitched. Was I in some sort of bad dream now, I wondered, or was everything that had come before just an illusion?[5]
***
Footnotes:
- In Chinese, 走马灯. A lantern containing a revolving pinwheel adorned with images of running horses, deities and/or characters from folk tales, which spin around a central axle by the hot air rising from the candle. [return to text]
- In Chinese, 恨君却似江楼月, 暂满还亏 (see footnote 1 to Chapter 44). The full moon is often frequently used as a poetic symbol for reunion between lovers or family members, hence the equating of the waning of the moon with separation here. [return to text]
- In the original text, 被人卖了还要替人数钱, literally ‘helping someone count the money they received for betraying you (alternative interpretation: for selling you into servitude)’. It describes someone who has been taken advantage of by another person and, unaware of it, thanks and/or attempts to do a good turn for the other person. [return to text]
- In the original text, 玩弄于股掌间, literally ‘play with [someone] in between one’s palm and thigh’. This refers to someone who manipulates another person with ease. The saying originates from Discourses of the States (国语), a collection of speeches attributed to rulers and other prominent figures from the Spring and Autumn period. [return to text]
- In Chinese, the chengyu 镜花水月(see footnote 3 to Chapter 36). [return to text]
douqi 随笔 