The Creator’s Grace — Chapter 93
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Context: This scene follows on from Chapter 92, where Chi Yu has just surprised Ran Jin in the shower (in a sexy way, not a creepy Hitchcock’s Psycho way). The dynamic between them is this: Ran Jin has been in love with Chi Yu for a long time, but up until recently, Chi Yu has mainly known Ran Jin as her older sister Chi Li’s girlfriend, who took care of the mundane details of Chi household’s everyday life (including caring for Chi Yu herself, when Chi Yu was younger). The emotional hook of the scene is that Ran Jin, for plot-relevant reasons, considers herself unworthy of love, and indeed even unworthy of life. Chi Yu disagrees most strenuously.
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Chi Yu had locked the bedroom door. No one could disturb them now.
She clung to Ran Jin, showering her with kisses as they stumbled out of the bathroom together.
Ran Jin, obeying her sole remaining shred of sanity, tugged the bathrobe down from its shelf and wrapped it around Chi Yu.
Chi Yu pulled Ran Jin down onto the bed with her. She steadied herself with one hand against the mattress, then wrapped her other arm around Ran Jin’s neck, not letting her go.
Ran Jin, worried that she might crush Chi Yu, propped herself up with one hand on either side of Chi Yu’s head. Her knees, having nowhere else to go, were pressed between Chi Yu’s legs. Water dripped down Ran Jin’s body, and a faint chill was creeping over her bare skin. And most embarrassingly, her nipples were beginning to harden.
Chi Yu, mindful of Ran Jin’s injured arm, drew her down closer, so that she no longer needed to hold herself up. Then she tugged off the bathrobe Ran Jin had bundled her so hastily into. Chi Yu’s body, Ran Jin could feel, was heating up rapidly.
Had this been before, Ran Jin was sure she would have fretted over whether Chi Yu was in danger of catching a cold. But now that Chi Yu was driving her delirious with kisses, she could barely remember who she was or where she was, much less worry about colds.
As Chi Yu kissed her way along Ran Jin’s right arm, Ran Jin flinched away from her instinctively. Chi Yu only moved closer to her again and went on kissing her, soothing her. A delicious, tingling sensation began building up inside Ran Jin; she felt as if it was filling her up completely. Amplified by her unfurling passion, it engulfed her senses. The wounds Chi Li had opened and re-opened, the shards of pain stuck in her heart and between her lips — one by one, they melted away under the warmth of Chi Yu’s soft, careful kisses.
For the first time in her life, Ran Jin was aware of herself as something infinitely soft, infinitely breakable. She was also aware that she was being cherished with the utmost tenderness, the greatest care. In Chi Yu’s hands, she knew, there was absolutely no risk of her breaking.
Ran Jin was lying in the arms of the woman she’d never thought she could have. And that once-unattainable woman — from whom the tiniest smile, the smallest token of regard, was enough to light up her whole day — was kissing her.
Chi Yu straddled Ran Jin’s lap, rubbing herself against Ran Jin’s thigh. Ran Jin’s breathing grew heavier; the flames inside her were burning hotter and hotter.
With an air of satisfaction, Chi Yu raised her hips to show Ran Jin the wetness she’d left on Ran Jin’s thigh. Ran Jin looked, but only for a moment; then her eyes darted away again.
‘Look how wet I am,’ said Chi Yu, and this time she took the lead, guiding Ran Jin’s hand between her legs. ‘Xiao Ran jiejie, won’t you give me what I need?’
When she felt Chi Yu’s wet heat against her palm, Ran Jin nearly stopped breathing completely.
All this while, she’d been pushing Chi Yu away, using every means at her disposal. But in the end, Chi Yu had drawn her back in almost effortlessly.
Ran Jin had never imagined that she would feel such a strong sense of possessiveness over Chi Yu — such a overwhelming desire to claim Chi Yu completely. As her fingers moved inside Chi Yu, she gazed transfixed in every shift in Chi Yu’s expression, every rise and fall of her chest. She luxuriated in the sensation, yearned for more of it — and at the same time, it felt her to the brim with guilt. I can’t do this, she thought, I shouldn’t be doing this.
But Xiao Yu was drinking her in so deeply, clenching around her so tightly, urging Ran Jin to leave her mark inside her. Ran Jin surrendered to her utterly, giving her everything she demanded, her head and heart filled with nothing but greedy need for Chi Yu.
At one point, her attentions seemed to become a little too much for Chi Yu. Ran Jin wanted to withdraw her hand, but Chi Yu stopped her. She nudged herself closer to Ran Jin and wrapped her legs tightly around Ran Jin’s waist, inviting Ran Jin to push herself in even deeper. Ran Jin did not dare to move, so Chi Yu moved for her, bucking her hips up and down, her feet braced against Ran Jin’s shoulders.
‘Xiao Yu, I’ll hurt you,’ said Ran Jin, her brows tightly knitted together. In her voice was a tender reluctance.
‘I don’t care.’ Chi Yu rubbed her cheek against Ran Jin’s neck, then buried her face in Ran Jin’s chest.
‘I can’t bear to do that to you,’ said Ran Jin. Her voice was very low, but the anguish in it was clear.
Chi Yu kissed her then, not letting her say another word. She wanted Ran Jin — wanted her no matter what.
Chi Yu was using herself to bind Ran Jin as tightly to her as possible, to make Ran Jin yearn for her, thirst for her, so that no matter where Ran Jin went, whatever Ran Jin was doing, she would always remember this moment.
So that she would always remember that, in this world that had treated her so cruelly, there was someone who loved her.
Ran Jin had always given Chi Yu her way, and this time it was no different. They stopped only when they were both completely exhausted.
Ran Jin laid Chi Yu back down on the bed. The traces of fatigue on Chi Yu’s face filled her with remorse.
After a moment’s hesitation, Ran Jin gave her a light peck on the forehead. ‘Does it still hurt?’ she asked, her expression guilty. ‘I’m sorry.’ There was a layer of brightness in her eyes.
That too-gentle kiss left Chi Yu unsatisfied. Cupping Ran Jin’s face in both hands, Chi Yu parted her lips and kissed her again, long and deep.
‘Why are you saying sorry? It didn’t hurt at all.’ Chi Yu ran a trail of kisses from Ran Jin’s ear to her throat, nuzzling at her collarbone. Then she nibbled gently at Ran Jin’s chin. ‘Everything you gave me was exactly what I wanted. There wasn’t any pain at all.’
‘And also,’ Chi Yu added, ‘this is what kissing is supposed to be like.’ She smiled at Ran Jin, kneading Ran Jin’s cheeks playfully with her palms. ‘The first time you did it, you mauled my lips so hard they started swelling up. That did hurt, I can tell you. And you even said you were teaching me how to kiss! Now you finally know how to do it, don’t you?’
Ran Jin felt rather embarrassed at having had her earlier ploy exposed. She tried to avoid Chi Yu’s gaze, but since Chi Yu had Ran Jin’s face cupped between her hands, there was no escape. Her darting eyes made her look even more guilty.
She’s too cute, thought Chi Yu, and hugged her even closer.
‘I have to go out of town tomorrow,’ she whispered in Ran Jin’s ear. ‘Be careful when you’re meeting Zhao Xin.’
‘Mm.’ Ran Jin tucked her head against Chi Yu’s chest, listening to her heartbeat.
They nestled in each other’s arms, just like any other pair of lovers.
She’d just been inside the most secret, most fragile part of the body of the woman she’d loved for so long, Ran Jin marvelled. It still didn’t seem quite real.
‘I might be gone for a few days,’ said Chi Yu. She kissed Ran Jin’s ear, which was already turning red hot. Her voice was very soft and sweet. ‘Miss me, won’t you?’
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douqi 随笔 