To Embers We Return — Chapter 47
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‘Intimacy score?’ both of them asked in chorus.
The official took note of the fact that they were sitting so far apart that a full-grown adult could have squeezed in between them with some effort, and thought of the rumours she’d heard about the famous couple in front of her. She looked around the room, then stood up and shut the door.
Once she’d returned to her seat, she said, ‘My lord, my lady, have you consummated your marriage?’
Bian Jin said nothing. She turned and looked at Shen Ni instead.
Oh? thought Shen Ni indignantly. Now that it’s time to answer embarrassing questions, you’re throwing me to the wolves?
Out loud, she said, ‘We have.’ Luckily she could lie without batting so much as an eyelash.
The official gave Shen Ni a look that said plainly: I don’t believe you. ‘Come now,’ she said, ‘there’s no point trying to hide it from me. You only have an intimacy score of twenty-five right now. It would obviously be much higher if you had consummated your marriage. Let me put it this way: you need an intimacy score of at least sixty in order to activate the spousal module.’
Only twenty-five? wondered Shen Ni. And they’d had quite a lot of close physical contact in the last few weeks too. For their intimacy score to reach sixty, they would likely have to do all manner of things Bian Jin would find impossible to bear.
‘If we were to brute-force the activation process, what would happen?’ Bian Jin asked. ‘Would there be any negative consequences?’
At those words, echoes of remembered pain flared across Shen Ni’s nerves: Bian Jin whipping her as she knelt in the snow, Bian Jin clamping a hand over her mouth that day in the storehouse at Lantai. And now Bian Jin was talking about activating the spousal module by brute force. You really do like it rough, don’t you, shijie? she thought.
The official shook her head. ‘There won’t be “consequences” as such, but it would simply be pointless,’ she explained. ‘If your intimacy score isn’t high enough, you won’t be able to use any of the spousal module’s functions. You can’t share each other’s emotions or sensations, or enter each other’s dreams. And as for experiencing each other’s desires, ha, you can forget about that too. Let’s not even talk about surrendering control of your bodies to each other — your subconscious would reject it on the spot.’
That was precisely why Shen Ni and Bian Jin had wanted to install the spousal module in the first place — to allow Shen Ni to enter Bian Jin’s subconscious through her dreams, and to search for her lost memories. If their dreams remained inaccessible to each other, this would be a completely pointless exercise. Raising their intimacy score was a vital precondition.
Bian Jin seemed to have resigned herself to this fact. Instead of trying to find another loophole around the requirements of the spousal module, she went back to the task at hand. ‘How should we go about increasing our intimacy score?’ she asked.
The official had not imagined this would require further explanation. The very term ‘intimacy score’ seemed clear enough. ‘Well,’ she said, ‘as the name suggests, the more intimate you are with each other, the higher the score will rise. For instance … my lord, my lady, the two of you are sitting rather far apart. If you would just move a little closer…? Oh, and Marquess Jing’an, could you put your arm around her ladyship’s waist, please? Now you see — your intimacy score has gone up, hasn’t it?’
The official had pre-activated the spousal module for them, and they could see their intimacy score changing before their eyes. Blue-white numbers flashed across their retinas as their original score of twenty-five turned into twenty-six, though that was still very far away from the required sixty.
The official looked at the two rather reserved young people sitting in front of her. ‘I always knew you were different from other couples in arranged marriages,’ she said encouragingly. ‘You do like each other at least a little, don’t you? See, even without consummating your marriage, you’ve managed to reach a score of twenty-five.’
To spare their sensibilities, she’d expressed herself as delicately as she knew how, but what she meant was: Well, I’m sure you’re not exactly strangers when it comes to physical touch. You must have held hands every now and then, and shared an embrace or two. Where else could that twenty-five have come from?
Rather stiffly, Bian Jin looked away.
Shen Ni knew her shijie must have many questions still, so she decided she might as well ask them all for her. ‘Does that mean,’ she said deferentially, ‘that once our intimacy score reaches the required level, the activation process will be automatically completed, and we’ll be able to use the functions of the spousal module without further difficulty?’
‘Exactly,’ the official confirmed. ‘I’ve already pre-programmed all the module’s settings for you. Don’t be shy with each other. Remember, the more intimate you are, the sooner the activation process will be complete.’
Bian Jin made a last-ditch effort. ‘Besides being intimate with each other, is there really no other way of activating the spousal module?’
‘Oh my goodness,’ gasped the official, and burst into an extended fit of laughter loud enough to be overheard by passersby in the corridor outside. They flung curious glances towards the closed door as they walked by, wondering what was going on.
At length, the official’s peals of laughter subsided. She coughed and did her best to put on a straight face once more. ‘Apologies, my lord, my lady. Please forgive me that display of unprofessionalism. But no, my lady, there really is no other way to complete the activation process. The intimacy score is there to ensure each couple who uses the spousal module is truly committed to each other. That’s why it can’t be increased through just a little light flirting — just as no amount of kissing will help a couple conceive a child.’
At the words ‘conceive a child’, Bian Jin chest rose and fell perceptibly.
To prevent Bian Jin from asking any more startling questions, Shen Ni decided to bring the meeting at an end. ‘Thank you, auntie,’ she told the official. ‘We understand now. We’ll do our best.’
The official smiled so broadly that even the corners of her eyes went curving upwards. ‘Oh, another thing,’ she said. ‘Other than physical intimacy, emotional closeness is important as well. A score of sixty might not seem high, but it’s unachievable unless your hearts are united as one. Think about how powerful the spousal module’s functions are. If it could be activated without a high enough intimacy score, not only would that send the divorce rate shooting right up, we’d see the crime rate going up alongside it too.’
It seemed the spousal module had been designed with even more rigour than Shen Ni had thought. As she and Bian Jin rose to leave, a thought struck her, and she looked back at the official. ‘Auntie—’ she began.
If word got out that she and Bian Jin had yet to consummate their marriage, her fellow ministers would have more than enough fodder for a fresh round of indictments.
The official made a zipping gesture across her mouth, giving Bian Jin a meaningful look as she did so. ‘Do not worry, my lord, my lady. Everything we’ve discussed here today will be treated in the strictest confidence. I’ve no wish to lose my official’s hat just yet.’
Shen Ni liked dealing with intelligent people. After thanking the official once more, she and Bian Jin left the Civil Affairs Bureau.
As they stepped out of the front gates, Bian Jin turned to Shen Ni and asked, ‘Are you sure she won’t tell anyone?’
‘She won’t,’ said Shen Ni.
‘You’re very certain.’
‘Yes. She’s Marchioness Chengqing’s mother.’
The news took Bian Jin a little by surprise. That was her?
Many years ago, when Marchioness Chengqing had been a young, unfavoured duchess, she’d slipped and fallen into a lake in one of the capital’s pleasure gardens. Bian Jin was the one who had rescued her and brought her back to shore. Shen Ni had been there at the time, and she remembered how Bian Jin had taken off her own outer robe and wrapped it around the young girl’s shoulders. The girl’s terrified mother had come hurrying over, and thanked Bian Jin profusely.
So much time had passed, and the young mother from Shen Ni’s memories had grown much older. Bian Jin had seen so many people come and go in the intervening years. Unlike Shen Ni, she did not have hyperthymesia, so it was only natural that she had not recognised the woman. But both Marchioness Chengqing and her mother, it was clear, still remembered how Bian Jin had helped them, and they always would.
***
Both Bian Jin and Shen Ni were rather silent in the coach on the way home, each of them lost in her own thoughts. Every now and then, Shen Ni would glance out of the window, but her gaze always returned to Bian Jin’s face.
Bian Jin’s attention seemed to be wholly fixed on the passing scenery, but her eyes seemed deeper and darker than usual. From time to time, her eyelashes would flicker. Shen Ni knew that expression very well: Bian Jin was deep in thought.
At times like these, Bian Jin rarely noticed when someone else was looking at her, so Shen Ni allowed her gaze to roam quite flagrantly over Bian Jin’s profile. Her eyes travelled down from the tip of Bian Jin’s nose and lingered on her lips. They were tightly closed, denying entrance to anyone and anything from the outside. All the same, the full bow of her top lip was tilted ever so slightly upwards, giving the impression that it was on the verge of fluttering open at any moment.
When they reached the mansion, Bian Jin climbed out of the coach first and began striding towards their bedchamber. Shen Ni, scurrying in her wake, was about to ask her shijie to wait for her when her watch began buzzing.
Bian Jin had taken a good few steps forward before it dawned on her that she could no longer hear Shen Ni’s footsteps behind her. That roused her from the confused welter of her thoughts, and she realised she’d been walking ahead too quickly again, without stopping to make sure Shen Ni could keep pace with her. She paused and looked back over her shoulder, already searching for the words she would need to coax her shimei back into a good humour. Before she could say anything, however, she saw Shen Ni touch a finger to her ear, and knew that she must be taking a call.
‘You’re most welcome,’ Bian Jin heard her say a few moments later.
Shen Ni stood bathed in the sunshine that filled the courtyard, looking completely relaxed, but there was still a steely edge to her beauty nonetheless. Even though she was saying the most banal of pleasantries, her expression was bright and lively, with a glow to it that reminded one of the translucency of a fine piece of jade.
‘You are too kind, Prince Yong,’ Shen Ni went on. ‘Next time, then.’
So it was Li Shan who had called her. Do they often speak like this in private? Bian Jin wondered.
Shen Ni ended the call fairly soon afterwards. When she looked up, she saw that Bian Jin had already gone into the bedchamber. She went up to the door and, as usual, knocked and waited for Bian Jin’s reply.
Bian Jin’s voice came rather dully from from inside the room. ‘It’s your own bedchamber. Come in if you want to.’
Shen Ni paused for a moment before she pushed the door open. Shijie seems a little upset, she thought.
When she stepped into the room, she saw Bian Jin sitting on her knees at the low table, idly turning the pages of a book Shen Ni had left there. Shen Ni crossed the room and stood looking down quietly at her.
‘What is it?’ asked Bian Jin, not looking up from the book. She seemed to be completely engrossed in it.
‘Are you enjoying that book?’
‘It’s all right.’
Shen Ni took the book from Bian Jin, turned it the other way up, and slipped it back into Bian Jin’s hands again. ‘There,’ she said. ‘I’m sure you’ll enjoy it even more now.’
Bian Jin wasn’t quite sure how to respond. She hadn’t realised she’d been holding the book upside down. Her chest rose and fell; she snapped the book shut and set it down on the table.
‘Shijie, why are you upset?’ asked Shen Ni.
‘I’m not.’
‘I was speaking to Prince Yong about the lecture today. I hadn’t wanted to go originally, but I was practically dragged there by the Principal of Chongwen Academy — he sent his coach straight to the directorate’s front door. True, it wasn’t really a kidnapping, and no one could have forced me to go anywhere I didn’t want to. But then it occurred to me that the more those students knew about the Black Box, the better chance they would have of surviving its attacks. If I could save even a few lives with a simple speech, I thought, why not do it? As you know, shijie, I wasn’t born with any particular passion for doing good deeds. It’s thanks to everything you’ve taught me over the years that the students’ welfare even came to mind at all. My decision to deliver that lecture had absolutely nothing to do with anyone else.’
Bian Jin had not expected her to explain herself in quite so much detail. The unaccountable ache in her chest was now a little easier to bear, though she still felt it as keenly as ever; it was impossible to ignore. She did not want to seem petty, however, nor as if she were engaged in a one-sided fight against Prince Yong over … well, what, exactly?
Out loud she told Shen Ni, ‘I already said I wasn’t upset. There’s no need to try and cajole me into a better mood.’
‘Ah, so you didn’t really mind one way or the other,’ said Shen Ni. ‘Apologies. I spoke too much.’ She gave Bian Jin a self-deprecating smile. Bian Jin wasn’t sure whether she meant it, or whether it was yet another performance.
Now that they were home, the two of them should have set to work increasing their intimacy score. The mood in the bedchamber, however, had plummeted to near-freezing as soon as they set foot inside.
The entire reason for increasing their intimacy score, Bian Jin reminded herself, was to get around the block on her memory. So she should be the one to take the initiative, rather than letting Shen Ni do all the work. She gathered her scattered thoughts, trying to collect herself. Very well then, she thought. Let us begin. And then a moment later: But how does one begin?
‘What did you used to do with your lovers?’ she asked Shen Ni.
Shen Ni froze briefly, taken completely by surprise. True, she was the one who’d told that ridiculous lie in the first place, about having had several lovers in the past, but still … did her shijie have to remember it quite so well? What she needs to remember, she can’t, Shen Ni grumbled inwardly. But this seems to be branded on her memory.
Out loud, she gave a somewhat derisive snort.
‘What is it?’ asked Bian Jin.
‘What else does one do with one’s lovers? The usual things, of course.’
‘What kinds of things?’
‘Things that I fear are beyond you, shijie.’
Bian Jin was left momentarily speechless.
Shen Ni’s watch buzzed again, though this time she ignored it. It did, however, remind Bian Jin instantly of Li Shan. She felt as if a thousand needles were stabbing into the tenderest part of her heart. A prickly, numbing sensation rose from each tiny puncture wound, and they flowed and merged and swelled into a great flood that finally overwhelmed the banks of her self-restraint.
So Shen Ni thought she was incapable of doing such things? Very well. Bian Jin would show her.
‘How are you so sure that these things are beyond me?’ she retorted. ‘After all, it’s just for the sake of raising our intimacy score — nothing more. Simply treat me the way you used to treat your lovers.’
It was true that their main objective for going to this trouble was to increase their intimacy score, Shen Ni reflected. But … but … was that really all it meant to Bian Jin? Oh, how completely unfeeling her shijie sounded!
Bian Jin’s unrouged lips looked somehow darker than they had done in the coach on the way home. Shen Ni wasn’t sure whether it was due to emotion, or simply because of the warmth of the room.
Such a lovely pair of lips, thought Shen Ni. They looked as if they had been made for kissing. For as long as Shen Ni had known Bian Jin, those lips had always been tightly closed when at rest, as if refusing all temptations of the flesh. But now, for the first time, the pure, passionless sculpture that was her shijie had deigned to cast an eye over the pleasures of the mortal realm from her lofty pedestal.
Shen Ni’s eyes darkened. ‘Then take off your mask, shijie.’
Bian Jin was in the habit of putting on the mask Shen Ni had crafted for her whenever she left the house. If there were many people about, she would set it to solid black; otherwise, she would leave it at full, colourless transparency.
Shen Ni’s words had gone beyond mere suggestiveness; she was being downright explicit now about what would happen next. Well, time for Bian Jin to show that she was capable of doing as she’d claimed. She reached up to unhook the mask.
Despite her best efforts at staying calm, Bian Jin’s emotions were still in a tumult. She’d never had any trouble taking off the mask before, but now, unaccountably, the ear loops caught in her hair, and the whole thing hung askew across her face. The more anxious she was, the more tightly the mask seemed to become entangled with her hair. And then, just as she was struggling to free herself from it, she felt Shen Ni’s warm, dry hands wrapping themselves around her own, kneading them gently against her palms. Shen Ni hooked her fingers through the ear loops, and the mask slipped away from Bian Jin’s face like an obedient pet.
Bian Jin’s pure, pristine lips, unsettled by Shen Ni’s sudden nearness, pressed themselves even more tightly closed.
Shen Ni prised them open with her own lips, crushing Bian Jin’s mouth ferociously — even aggressively — against hers. Bian Jin’s breath caught; no one had ever done anything like this to her before.
Shen Ni could feel Bian Jin’s helplessly parted lips trembling against hers from the force of the sudden kiss. As sweetness and softness filled her mouth, she realised that the liquid sounds of their lips and tongues meeting could be heard faintly in the otherwise silent bedchamber.
A flush of shame went through Bian Jin when she realised what she was hearing. She tried to draw away a little from Shen Ni, to hide, but Shen Ni placed a hand against the back of her head and pressed Bian Jin’s mouth even harder against hers. Her free hand twined its way through Bian Jin’s hair, making it — and her — come undone. Soon her fingertips were dewy with sweat.
Shivers rippled down Bian Jin’s back. Her knuckles, usually as fair as white jade, were stained crimson with desire. She was an armful of hitherto untrodden snow, melting rapidly from the heat of Shen Ni’s kiss. An unfamiliar pleasure wound through her consciousness, building to an edge so sharp it threatened to overwhelm her. The clash of sensations threw up sparks she had never before imagined, flaring and crackling along her nerves. Her arms hung slackly by her sides; she wasn’t quite sure where to put them.
Shen Ni, of course, did not allow her to remain in this state of suspense for long. She grasped Bian Jin’s hands in her own, weaving her fingers through Bian Jin’s, and nestled them against the searing heat of her palms. The woman she had dreamed of for so, so long was finally in her arms. All those years of repressed desire came bursting forth in a single instant, and Shen Ni became very aware of the wet heat seeping through her undergarments.
The fevered friction of their bodies took Bian Jin’s breath away, and Shen Ni felt her own heart pounding uncontrollably in her chest. I want more, she thought. She lifted Bian Jin off the floor, taking her full weight into her arms, and guided Bian Jin’s arms around her own neck.
Shen Ni was certainly schooling her well, thought Bian Jin. In that moment she really did feel as though she were embracing a lover.
Bian Jin’s heels thumped back onto the floor, and she sank halfway into a crouch. Her legs were practically wrapped around Shen Ni, her knees pressing against Shen Ni’s hips. Shame flooded through her. Her body had gone deliciously weak under Shen Ni’s touch, and she could barely hold herself upright. And Shen Ni was still caressing the back of her head, and unning her fingers down her spine.
The kiss went on and on, long and hot and deep. Bian Jin’s breathing grew more and more ragged. She could feel Shen Ni’s fingertips wandering up her spine. Then Shen Ni cupped her hand firmly around the back of Bian Jin’s neck. A violent shudder rippled through Bian Jin, and she let out an inarticulate moan. The sound made even Bian Jin herself blush.
At that moan, a switch seemed to flip somewhere deep inside Shen Ni. She crushed Bian Jin tightly against herself, kissing her even more hungrily.
‘No…’
Bian Jin’s voice came trailing out feebly against Shen Ni’s lips. It sounded half-hearted at best; one could easily have taken it for flirtation, a playful gesture meant to add even more piquancy to the proceedings.
Shen Ni opened her rather dazed eyes and gazed intently at the woman in her arms. ‘Do you want to stop?’
A silver thread of saliva stretched between her lips and Bian Jin’s, glinting in the lamplight. Bian Jin’s mouth — so well-protected from intrusion all her life, so unexpectedly fragile — had turned red and swollen from the reckless intensity of Shen Ni’s kisses.
Because of Bian Jin’s extraordinary sensitivity towards Shen Ni’s touch, those few kisses had left her as thoroughly drenched as a rain-soaked oleander flower. A violent flush had risen from her throat, staining her cheeks bright crimson. Her eyes were dark and wide and wet, glazed over with need.
And then she closed her mouth again.
I don’t want that, thought Shen Ni, and almost reflexively she thrust a knuckle straight into Bian Jin’s mouth, parting her lips once more.
Bian Jin froze momentarily in shock. She had never imagined that Shen Ni would so such a thing.
‘Shen Ni,’ she chided, her words an indistinct murmur. Her eyes were a little reproachful, and wetness still clung to their corners.
‘I go much, much further than that with my lovers,’ said Shen Ni. She looked up, tightening her arm around Bian Jin’s wrist, and ground her knuckle slowly, teasingly, against Bian Jin’s teeth. ‘Would you still like to see it for yourself, shijie?’
***
Author’s Note:
FINALLY they kiss!! A shower of red packets in the comments to celebrate.
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