To Embers We Return — Chapter 48
***
Having her jaw stretched open like this, Bian Jin felt, was so indecorous that it bordered on obscene. She would never have done something like this of her own volition, even when eating: she always took small bites at meals, and made sure to chew with her mouth closed. Shame and humiliation washed over her.
Shen Ni had never behaved quite so outrageously towards her before. And now that Shen Ni was kissing her, Bian Jin wasn’t quite sure what to do with her own tongue. She tried very hard to avoid touching it against Shen Ni’s, lest it be mistaken for flirtation. It soon proved very difficult to maintain that precarious equilibrium.
Number after number rose before their eyes. In mere moments, their intimacy score had gone up to thirty. Shen Ni, distracted by this, allowed her attention to slip, and Bian Jin took advantage of the lapse to seize hold of Shen Ni’s wrist, pulling Shen Ni’s hand away from her.
‘You seem very experienced at these matters,’ she told Shen Ni, a flush of shame rising to her cheeks.
Shen Ni smiled. ‘You flatter me, shijie. As long as you’re enjoying yourself.’
‘I’m not—’
‘Your tactility score has reached two hundred and eighty and is still rising,’ Shen Ni informed her. After that last full-body examination, Shen Ni had installed the monitoring system for Ni’s Heart onto one of her neural modules, so that the results from her palm scanner could be displayed directly across her retinas. ‘That’s very close to the highest score I have in my database, and that was recorded during love-making. I would venture to suggest, shijie, that you are not exactly repulsed.’
Bian Jin could think of nothing to say. She’d tried to conceal her physical response, but her tactility score had exposed her completely.
Shen Ni brought her other hand up to Bian Jin’s lips. Just as she was nearly close enough to touch them, Bian Jin ducked her head slightly, a warning look in her eyes.
‘Shen Ni.’
That was the second time Bian Jin had called her by her full name tonight. There was a distinct edge of danger to Bian Jin’s voice, but Shen Ni was not afraid. The worst Bian Jin could do was punish her, after all. And besides, she was only trying to do her shijie a kindness.
‘Don’t move,’ she said. ‘Let me wipe that off for you.’
It was only then that Bian Jin realised there was a wet stain by the corner of her mouth. ‘I … can deal with that myself,’ she said.
She covered her mouth with the back of one hand, placed the other one on Shen Ni’s shoulder and, leaning heavily on it, began to stand up. The shakiness in her legs, combined with the fact that they were spread so far apart, made that a rather challenging task.
Shen Ni was loath to let go of her, especially since Bian Jin showed absolutely no reluctance to leave her embrace. But she was even more concerned that Bian Jin might topple over, so she placed both hands against Bian Jin’s waist to help her up.
Once Bian Jin was standing on her own two feet again, Shen Ni looked up and smiled at her demurely, expecting praise. But all she got in return was the iciest of stares. Her expression turned quizzical.
‘There’s no need for these pointless little tricks and flourishes,’ said Bian Jin. ‘Next time, just concentrate on increasing our intimacy score.’
Oh, how harsh and unfeeling she sounded! It was as if she thought of Shen Ni as nothing more than a tool. If not for the flush that still lingered on her cheeks, Bian Jin’s sharp, cool words would have sounded exactly like a military command, as if she took absolutely no pleasure in what they’d been doing. Shen Ni might even have believed her, if she hadn’t seen Bian Jin’s tactility score for herself. Emboldened by that knowledge, she replied quite blithely, ‘Very well, I’ll remember that.’
Bian Jin could hear the surety beneath her flippant tones, and she knew Shen Ni had the upper hand. She couldn’t get the better of Shen Ni in an argument, nor could she provoke her into losing her temper — nor indeed, exercise any control over Shen Ni at all. All she could do was leave.
‘Where are you going?’ asked Shen Ni, as Bian Jin started towards the door. She hoped her shijie wasn’t running off to spend the night in some other part of the house. Their bedchamber was by far the most comfortable room in the whole residence, especially with the large bed Shen Ni had personally made up to her own satisfaction.
Bian Jin paused at the door and looked at Shen Ni over her shoulder. ‘I’ll be back after I’ve had a bath,’ she said calmly.
‘Oh?’ said Shen Ni languidly. ‘I could do with a bath as well. Perhaps we could go togeth—’
Bang. Bian Jin had slammed the door shut firmly behind her.
Shen Ni ran a hand along her thighs. ‘But I really do need a bath,’ she said plaintively.
***
It was the last snowfall of the year, and it felt more than a little half-hearted. A few white flakes settled on Bian Jin’s dark hair, melting before she’d even had time to feel the cold.
When Bian Jin sank into the hot spring, she did not feel, as she normally did, the languorous pleasure of her muscles unknotting in the steaming water. Instead, the heat only seemed to seep further into her body: sweat beaded on her forehead, and her ears turned even redder than ever. She couldn’t seem to cool down at all.
Bian Jin leaned against the side of the pool, allowing her body to float up to the surface. The chill air met her pink-flushed skin, finally bringing her some relief. She reached up and piled her long wet hair on top of her head. Rivulets of water trickled down her face, over features as striking as the most exquisite ink wash painting.
Her lips were still a little swollen, and she could still feel the ghost of Shen Ni’s knuckle between her teeth. More flakes of snow landed on her white-hot skin: they did about as much to cool her down as a few drops of cold water sprinkled onto a pool of lava.
Bian Jin closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Things between her and Shen Ni had finally come to this after all.
***
In the days that followed, the two of them should have been hard at work raising their intimacy score. But much of Shen Ni’s time was taken up by her official duties, and Bian Jin had her own responsibilities as well, including the training routine she conscientiously went through every morning to keep herself in peak fighting condition. Most nights, when Shen Ni finally came home, Bian Jin would already be sound asleep.
The inevitable result of this was their intimacy score began to drop: their hard-won thirty slipped quietly down to twenty-nine. Now that the spousal module had been pre-activated for them, Bian Jin received an alert every time the score changed. It must be the same for Shen Ni as well, she thought.
For all her martial prowess and decisiveness in battle, Bian Jin was a rather passive person by nature — especially when it came to matters of the heart, about which she knew nothing. She’d gone through so many years of her life without any conscious feelings of need or desire, and she had no idea how to make a romantic advance even if she wanted to.
Every now and then, she would wake up briefly in the night to find Shen Ni next to her in bed, having come home while Bian Jin was sleeping. Shen Ni would be lying with her face turned towards Bian Jin, slumbering peacefully. Like a well-behaved child, she never tried to wrap herself around Bian Jin either: all she would do was rest her forehead against Bian Jin’s arm or back.
Shen Ni always looked so relaxed when she was sound asleep. Her features softened completely then, giving her a look of vulnerable innocence. She seemed completely unlike the woman who’d teased and tormented Bian Jin so shamelessly on the day they’d returned from the Civil Affairs Bureau.
At these moments, Bian Jin would feel the impulse to put an arm around Shen Ni, to pull her closer, but she always stopped herself. The bed was a dangerous place for her now; her shimei’s very presence felt dangerous. If she were to give in to that impulse, Shen Ni might well misunderstand her intentions, and then … things … might happen. Though it was true that they had to get round to activating the spousal module sooner rather than later…
Whenever Bian Jin reached this point in her ruminations, all sleep would desert her, and she would find herself lying awake until daybreak.
One morning before sunrise, Bian Jin was awakened by the sounds of someone moving around the bedchamber. She opened her sleep-dimmed eyes to see Shen Ni getting dressed in the blue pre-dawn light.
‘Did I wake you?’ asked Shen Ni. ‘I’m going to Luoyang today to inspect their city fortifications. A few colleagues will be travelling with me, so I won’t be taking the coach or the hovercraft. We’re catching the early-morning train from the central station instead.’
‘How long will you be away for?’
‘I’ll be back in three days.’
Bian Jin opened her mouth, then closed it again. But Shen Ni had already guessed what she’d intended to say.
‘Our intimacy score might drop again over these three days,’ she told Bian Jin. ‘But we can make up for that when I come back.’
The sheer directness of that remark brought a flush to Bian Jin’s cheeks. Looking studiously away from Shen Ni, she sat up in bed. ‘I’ll come with you,’ she said.
Shen Ni’s eyes lit up, but out loud she said, ‘No, that’s too much trouble. You should sleep a little longer.’
Despite that polite demurral, Bian Jin could see the anticipation in Shen Ni’s eyes. For some reason, she felt that it wouldn’t do to let Shen Ni down, so she climbed briskly out of bed, cast about for an appropriate excuse, and found one. ‘The central station is such a busy place,’ she said. ‘If the Black Box decides to attack it, it will be much safer if I’m there.’
Shen Ni, of course, was more than happy to have Bian Jin’s company for a little while longer. They would be apart for three whole days after all, and that would be difficult enough to bear as it was.
Chang’an’s central station lay south on the city’s central axis,[1] and it was the largest transport hub on the whole continent. The station had been closed for days after the Black Box’s attack on the Eastern Market, and it had been reopened only yesterday — strictly for the use of government officials, foreign diplomats and consular staff, and merchants travelling on particularly important business. Anyone entering or leaving the station would be subjected to a close search and inspection by the Jinwu Guards standing watch at each entrance, to prevent them from smuggling the Black Box into or out of the city.
Now that the ordinary townsfolk had been barred from using it, the normally bustling station had an air of desolation. It was a historic structure, built in the classical style that had been popular at the time the dynasty was first founded. Following the proliferation of cybernetic technology, traditional building styles had fallen out of fashion, and steel and electronics had been engrafted onto the station’s original structure. Budgetary constraints at the Ministry of Households meant it had not been well-maintained, so the whole building was an uneasy mixture of the time-worn and very new. This gave it an air almost of majestic ruin, like the last blazing clouds at sunset just before the final rays slipped beneath the horizon.
Li Shan had arrived at the station quite some time ago. Now she stood in the middle of the main lobby, casting furtive glances at the entrance every now and then. Standing around Li Shan were several officials from the Supreme Bureau of Research and Innovation — the entourage accompanying her to Luoyang — all of whom were rather puzzled by the fact that she’d turned up at the station in the first place. As a prince, Li Shan was entitled to the use of the imperial flying coach, which travelled along special flight paths reserved exclusively for the use of the royal family. As a first line of defence against any marauding mutant beasts, these flight paths were watched over by some of the best soldiers in the empire, making them the safest routes available. That was how Li Shan had always travelled between Chang’an and Luoyang in the past — why, oh why had she decided to squeeze onto a public train with them today?
At the thought of having to share a carriage all the way to Luoyang with the forbidding Prince Yong, the officials felt tired even before the journey had begun.
Two of Shen Ni’s subordinates from the Directorate for the Construction of City Fortifications arrived at the station just then. One of them was Cui Ning, the junior official whose offer of cakes to Shen Ni had been so cruelly rebuffed, and the other was an amiable woman of nearly forty, whom everyone at the directorate called Qian jie.
Cui Ning froze momentarily when her eyes fell on Li Shan across the lobby. She was terrified of Li Shan, and for good reason. When she’d first been made a civil servant, she’d had ambitions of joining the Supreme Bureau of Research and Innovation, and had even attended an interview there. It was Li Shan who had dashed her hopes to pieces. For as long as she lived, Cui Ning was sure, she would never forget Li Shan’s icy expression during the interview, nor the reasons she’d given for rejecting Cui Ning’s application.
The candidate possesses some small measure of shrewdness, Li Shan had written, which is more than outweighed by her patent foolishness and indolence. She is no fit candidate for the Supreme Bureau of Research and Innovation.
After that, Cui Ning had been shuffled from posting to new posting, until she’d finally fetched up at the directorate, where the work was hard and there were no extra little sweeteners to be had. Now that she had come face to face with Li Shan once more, Cui Ning found that her fear of the older woman had not abated in the least. She hoped fervently that she wouldn’t have to speak to Li Shan at any point on this journey.
Although she was going to Luoyang on government business, Li Shan was not wearing her official’s robes. Instead, she was dressed in a sumptuous outfit that set off her fair skin and red lips; passersby found it difficult to take their eyes off her. Her obvious beauty, however, did nothing to make Cui Ning less fearful of her.
Li Shan glanced at the main entrance again, but did not see the woman she was looking for. She’d just turned away when she heard Cui Ning calling out, ‘Director-General!’
Shen Ni arrived. Li Shan’s heart thumped painfully in her chest as she turned back towards the entrance, a smile on her face — then her expression froze when she saw Bian Jin standing next to Shen Ni. The two of them looked like a perfect couple in their matching coats — of different colours, but cut in the exact same style.
As the Jinwu Guards inspected Shen Ni’s luggage, Shen Ni caught sight of her subordinates and waved at them. It was then that Bian Jin saw Li Shan standing in the middle of the crowd.
So she is going to Luoyang with shimei, she thought. When the Jinwu Guards finished inspecting Shen Ni’s case, some unnameable impulse moved her to reach for it before Shen Ni could. Case in hand, she followed Shen Ni into the station.
Shen Ni watched her silently, but made no comment on her actions. Instead she merely said, ‘You should go home and catch up on some of that lost sleep.’
Bian Jin handed the case to Shen Ni. ‘Your lapels are crooked,’ she said.
They’d left the house in somewhat of a hurry, so Shen Ni had not had time to make sure the lapels of her outer robe were properly aligned. She took the case from Bian Jin, clasping the handle in both hands, and leaned closer to her shijie, looking up at her with beseeching eyes. ‘Will you adjust them for me, shijie?’
Bian Jin had not expected her to come suddenly so close. For a moment she almost fancied that Shen Ni was about to kiss her again.
Shen Ni, of course, did not do so, not least because they were standing in full view of the public. Instead, she paused with her cherry-pink lips just inches away from Bian Jin’s, looking at her expectantly. ‘Hm?’ she prompted gently when Bian Jin did not respond.
Bian Jin knew full well this was a deliberate provocation on Shen Ni’s part, and she had no idea how to feel. In the end, she complied with Shen Ni’s request. Her hands glided up the lapels of Shen Ni’s outer robe, lining them up perfectly. To any outsider, she would have seemed like the most loving of wives. A delicate undercurrent of tension rippled between them.
Cui Ning and Qian jie caught sight of this public display of affection, and began murmuring loudly among themselves.
‘I was told the two of them were sworn enemies,’ said Cui Ning. ‘But look — they seem like a such a loving couple!’
‘They’re such a perfect match,’ sighed Qian jie. ‘They’re both former Governor-Generals of the North, and they’re both so lovely to look at. I was still yawning my head off just a few minutes ago, but this has woken me right up!’
Shen Ni finally bade Bian Jin goodbye and walked into the main lobby. Li Shan and her entourage were no longer there, having gone to the upper level where the platforms were.
‘Why did Prince Yong leave without saying a single word to us?’ Qin jie wondered. ‘We’re travelling on the same assignment after all — why are we leaving in separate groups?’
She and Cui Ning began making their way up the stairs as well. Shen Ni trailed behind them, tapping happily away at her watch as she walked along.
Bian Jin received Shen Ni’s message just as she was leaving the station. We should make sure to keep in touch over the next few days, it said. Otherwise our intimacy score will go on dropping.
Bian Jin hesitated, and did not reply immediately.
Shen Ni found the right platform, boarded the train to Luoyang and walked down the corridor until she reached the carriage occupied by her subordinates and the officials of the Supreme Bureau of Research and Innovation. The only empty seat was the one beside Li Shan. She did not stop there, but instead made her way closer to the front, where Cui Ning and Qian jie were sitting. She clapped Cui Ning on the shoulder. ‘I have important business to discuss with Qian jie.’
What Shen Ni meant, of course, was: Let me have your seat, and find a place somewhere else.
Cui Ning looked at Qian jie, then turned and glanced at the rest of the carriage. When she saw that the only empty seat left was the one next to Prince Yong, she sagged visibly. Was the universe that intent on making her face her worst fear?
Very reluctantly, Cui Ning stood up, shuffled down the carriage, and sat down beside Li Shan. Li Shan glanced at her out of the corner of her eye, and her expression turned stony. She did not say a single word to Cui Ning.
Cui Ning held herself as stiffly as a stick, not daring to move so much as a single muscle.
Shen Ni knew that Qian jie was an expert gardener as well as a skilled engineer, so she began talking to her about flowers.
‘Is this the important business you wanted to speak to me about?’ asked Qian jie.
‘Yes,’ said Shen Ni. ‘My wife loves flowers, and I’m planning to redesign the rear courtyard to suit her tastes better. Of course it’s an important matter.’
‘Oh,’ said Qian jie. She added rather enviously, ‘How you do dote on your wife, my lord! If only my other half were a tenth as thoughtful as you are!’
Shen Ni smiled and looked down at her watch. There was still no reply from Bian Jin. Well, she wasn’t about to give up. She sent another message: The intimacy score drops easily, and it’s difficult for us to get it back up again. If we don’t manage to keep in touch over the next few days, I might just have to kiss you a few more times once I get home.
Bian Jin had just boarded a different train — the light rail service that would take her home — when Shen Ni’s second message arrived. She read those provocative words surrounded by tens of fellow passengers; the very word ‘kiss’ brought a flush of heat straight to her heart. This is outrageous, she thought. She sent a perfunctory reply, then quickly locked her watch screen.
Her shijie had replied! Delighted, Shen Ni opened the message, eager to see how Bian Jin would try to avoid the subject this time. Its contents took her somewhat by surprise. What Bian Jin had said was: As you wish.
Shen Ni replied immediately: Everything I wish?
This time, Bian Jin’s response was noticeably slower, but she did still reply. Don’t go too far, she said.
She’d been properly chastised by Bian Jin, but Shen Ni couldn’t help smiling nonetheless. She felt almost as if Bian Jin were in the carriage with her right now, flinging the most cutting of stares at Shen Ni, even as her ears betrayed her by turning bright crimson.
***
Author’s Note:
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
***
Footnotes:
- In the original text, 中轴线 (pinyin: zhongzhouxian). In our world, the stretch of road running from north and south through the heart of historic Chang’an. [return to text]
